Ephesians 6:1–4

6:1–3 Turning to his second group, Paul first addresses children: “obey your parents in the Lord” (v. 1). The term translated “children” (tekna) does not necessarily indicate small children but could be used also of adult children, who often remained under their father’s authority for most or all of his life. Here, however, Paul seems to be addressing children who are still in the process of being trained by their parents (v. 4) yet are old enough to understand their relationship to the Lord (v. 1). Children were not usually addressed in Greco-Roman household codes (their obedience was simply assumed), but Paul addresses children as responsible members of the congregation. This also suggests that Paul assumes whole families will be gathered in one place for worship.

The verb “obey” is stronger than the command given to wives to “submit” (5:22), indicating absolute obedience (though certainly some exceptions must be allowed). “In the Lord” modifies the verb “obey” and not the phrase “your parents” (cf. Col. 3:20); Paul is not saying that only Christian parents should be obeyed. The referent of “Lord” is Christ, not God the Father. “For this is right” provides the reason for the previous exhortation: honoring one’s parents is “right” because it is widely accepted and acknowledged as fitting and proper.

In order to support and bolster his injunction for children to obey their parents, Paul cites the fifth commandment: “Honor your father and your mother” (Eph. 6:2; cf. Ex. 20:12; Deut. 5:16). The concepts of obeying and honoring are very similar, since parents are dishonored when children do not obey them. But the command to honor could also include adult children who have moved out of the house but still need to show respect for their parents and perhaps care for them when they are older.

Paul interrupts his citation of the fifth commandment by adding the parenthetical comment “this is the first commandment with a promise” (Eph. 6:2), which most likely refers to the fifth commandment in the Decalogue, which contains an explicit promise. Although some claim that the first promise in the Decalogue is actually attached to the second commandment, the description attached there is not so much a promise as a description of God’s character, which could apply to all the commandments. The fifth commandment is cited five times in the NT (Matt. 15:4; 19:19; Mark 7:10; 10:19; Luke 18:20), but only here is its promise included as well.

In Ephesians 6:3 Paul resumes his quotation of the fifth commandment by citing its promise, which Paul expands into two reasons as to why children should obey their parents. The first reason is so “that it may go well with you,” which relates to one’s general prosperity. The second reason is so “that you may live long in the land.” The omission of the additional phrase from Exodus 20:12 (“that the LORD your God is giving you”) universalizes the reference to “the land” to mean “the earth” in general rather than merely the land of Canaan. Thus the promise has an ongoing application to Paul’s readers. Of course, these promises of prosperity and long life must be taken not as absolutes but as general principles.

6:4 Instead of addressing both parents, Paul directs his exhortations specifically to fathers. In Greco-Roman and Jewish cultures, fathers were typically responsible for the education and discipline of their children. Paul provides both a negative command (prohibition) and a positive one. First, Paul instructs the fathers, “Do not provoke your children to anger.” To “provoke” has to do with causing someone to become angry. Andrew T. Lincoln explains that this prohibition forbids “excessively severe discipline, unreasonably harsh demands, abuse of authority, arbitrariness, unfairness, constant nagging and condemnation, subjecting a child to humiliation, and all forms of gross insensitivity to a child’s needs and sensibilities.”¹ Like most of the imperatives in Ephesians, this verb conveys a general precept and does not indicate whether or not such provocation was in fact occurring in the Ephesian church.

Second, Paul commands the fathers to “bring [their children] up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” The verb “bring up” (ektrephō) was used in 5:29 to refer to the love the husband has for his own body as he “nourishes” (ektrephō) and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church. Here, the term is used more generally for caring for and rearing children to maturity. The first term, “discipline” (sometimes translated as “training”), although it can refer more specifically to chastisement, probably has the sense of comprehensive education or training. The second term, “instruction,” refers to the training that takes place through verbal correction (i.e., exhortations, warnings, and rebukes). Finally, this training is “of the Lord.” It is not merely moralistic discipline and instruction but that which comes from the Lord and focuses the child’s faith and hope on Christ.