12Marks of a Spiritual Father (4:14-21)
I do not write these things to shame you, but to admonish you as my beloved children. For if you were to have countless tutors in Christ, yet you would not have many fathers; for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel. I exhort you therefore, be imitators of me. For this reason I have sent to you Timothy, who is my beloved and faithful child in the Lord, and he will remind you of my ways which are in Christ, just as I teach everywhere in every church. Now some have become arrogant, as though I were not coming to you. But I will come to you soon, if the Lord wills, and I shall find out, not the words of those who are arrogant, but their power. For the kingdom of God does not consist in words, but in power. What do you desire? Shall I come to you with a rod or with love and a spirit of gentleness? (4:14-21)
In this epistle Paul has described the spiritual leader and teacher as a servant (3:5), a farmer (3:6), God’s fellow worker (3:9), a builder (3:10), a galley slave (“servant,” 4:1), and a steward (4:1). He now describes him as a spiritual father, using himself as the example.
The apostle has been stern, even to the point of sarcasm (4:8-10), in rebuking the Corinthians’ sins. Now he tells them why he has been so harsh: he loves them as a father loves his children. He could not bear for them to be straying from God’s Word and the fullness of the Christian life. He was their spiritual father and therefore doubly responsible for their spiritual welfare. He could say with John, “I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the truth” (3 John 4; cf. Gal. 4:19; Phil. 1:23-27).
In 1 Corinthians 4:14-21 Paul presents by implication and pattern six characteristics of a faithful spiritual father: he admonishes, loves, begets, sets an example, teaches, and disciplines. He does not specifically label these characteristics or give them in chronological order or in order of importance. They are implied in what he says, and illustrate the various ways in which a faithful father is responsible for his children. They are elements necessary in an effective discipleship relation.
HE ADMONISHES
I do not write these things to shame you, but to admonish you. (4:14a)
Paul was not being hard in his correction in order to shame the Corinthians, to make them cringe and cower. They had much to be ashamed of, and if they took the apostle’s words to heart they could not have helped being ashamed. But it was not Paul’s ultimate purpose to shame them. He would leave that to their own consciences. His purpose was to admonish them, exhort them, plead with them to repent and correct their ways. He did not want to destroy them but to reclaim them.
It is possible for a parent to correct a child in a way that tears down rather than builds up. In Ephesians Paul warns: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). In the name of discipline, even Christian discipline, children can be provoked and abused in ways that leave permanent scars. They are often put down with criticism and punishment but seldom lifted up with admonition and encouragement.
Admonish (noutheteō) means literally “to put in mind,” with the purpose of warning and reproving. It presupposes that something is wrong and its intention is to correct, to make right. Its purpose is to bring about a change—in belief, attitude, habit, life-style, or in whatever way is needed. In fact, it is a warning to change or incur judgment.
Eli was high priest at the tabernacle in Shiloh; but he was an irresponsible father. Only after he was very old did he question his sons’ extremely sinful and wicked habits. At that point the sons, Hophni and Phinehas, were long grown and beyond his control. They abused the sacrificial offerings and committed fornication with the women who served at the tent of meeting. It seems that Eli was not even aware of what they were doing until told by some of the people. Scripture says that his own life and that of his sons ended tragically because he had not admonished them as a firm, caring, loving father. He had honored his sons above God, and in doing so he failed God and failed them (1 Sam. 2—4).
Failure to admonish spiritual children can be just as tragic. If we have spiritual responsibility over another believer, especially if we brought him to the Lord, there will be times when we must admonish. As a spiritual father we must lovingly criticize wrong beliefs or wrong behavior with the purpose of bringing correction and change (see Matt. 18:15-20; 1 Thess. 5:14). We must not browbeat or humiliate or judge self-righteously. A loving father does not do such things. But a loving father will always admonish, reprove, correct, and even discipline when necessary. He will do whatever he must that is right and proper for the welfare of his children. The tool for this is the Word of God, as indicated in 2 Timothy 3:16-17.
“You are witnesses,” Paul told the Thessalonians, “and so is God, how devoutly and uprightly and blamelessly we behaved toward you believers; just as you know how we were exhorting and encouraging and imploring each one of you as a father would his own children, so that you may walk in a manner worthy of the God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory” (1 Thess. 2:10-12).
HE LOVES
as my beloved children. (4:14b)
Paul has referred to the Corinthians as his brothers several times (1:10; 2:1; 3:1), but now he calls them his children, which represents an even more intimate relationship. They are not merely children but beloved children, especially dear to their spiritual father. It is clear from what Paul has been saying to them that they were not obedient, morally upright, doctrinally sound, or mature. But they were loved.
Beloved is from the verb agapaō, which refers to the strongest kind of love, the deepest love. It is more than brotherly love (philid), a tender affection. It is a love that is determined and willful, having the one purpose of serving the object of love.
Some years later Paul again spoke of his great love for the Corinthians: “I will not be a burden to you; for I do not seek what is yours, but you; for children are not responsible to save up for their parents, but parents for their children. And I will most gladly spend and be expended for your souls” (2 Cor. 12:14-15). The Corinthians did little to deserve Paul’s love, but they had it in full measure. His love for them gave everything and asked for nothing. It was self-sacrificing, far reaching, and lasting.
A loving father wants to understand his children as deeply as possible. He wants to know where they hurt so that he can help heal. He wants to know when they are afraid so he can help dispel their fears. He wants to know where they are weak so he can help strengthen them. He wants to know their needs so he can help meet them. Paul loved the Corinthians in that way. He loved them, understanding their situation and their needs.
A loving father is gentle. Jesus was “gentle and humble in heart” (Matt. 11:29), and Paul sought to treat the Corinthians with “the meekness and gentleness of Christ” (2 Cor. 10:1). Spiritual children, like natural children, grow slowly. They are not born mature and must be trained lovingly and gently, as well as carefully and sometimes sternly (cf. 1 Thess. 2:7-8).
A loving father is also intense. When those we love are in danger, we cannot help becoming concerned. When our children were small I worried about their running into the street. So I lectured and explained about the dangers of getting hit by a car. I would sometimes wake up in the night with a jolt, having dreamed of one of the children being run over. Love cannot help feeling intense concern and getting excited at times. The more our loved ones are threatened and endangered, the more intense our love becomes. We should have the same sort of concern for our spiritual loved ones, our children in the Lord. Paul’s testimony to the Ephesian elders was that he tearfully admonished “night and day for a period of three years” out of love for his children in the faith (Acts 20:31).
HE BEGETS
For if you were to have countless tutors in Christ, yet you would not have many fathers; for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel. (4:15)
As already mentioned, Paul is not discussing spiritual fatherhood chronologically. As in natural fatherhood, procreation must occur before there can be love or admonition. A child must be born before he can be cared for and trained.
Paul here illustrates the uniqueness of fatherhood. No child can have more than one natural father. In the spiritual realm as well, the Corinthians had countless tutors in Christ but only one spiritual father. Paul was the spiritual father of most of them. It is important to note here that he is not saying that he was the source of spiritual life (cf. Matt. 23:9, a reference to Jewish religious leaders who felt as though they were the true source of life), but was the tool God used.
Countless (murios) can represent the specific figure of ten thousand, as in the KJX or simply a great, numberless amount. Tutors (paidagōgos) refers to home instructors, usually slaves, who were responsible for the basic training and moral upbringing of small children. They were not teachers in a formal sense but were more guardians and helpers.
The Corinthians, Paul tells them, could have had innumerable spiritual tutors of various sorts, and all of those may have been helpful to one degree or another. But he was uniquely their spiritual father.
A father, by definition, is a man who has children. He is the agent of God’s creating a life. A man can be a man without having children and even a husband without having children. But he cannot be a father without having children. A Christian cannot be a spiritual father without being used by God to bring life to spiritual children.
Unfortunately, many Christians have never become spiritual fathers. They have never produced any spiritual offspring. They have never led a person to Christ and helped train him in the ways of God. A Christian is one who has been given new life in Christ, and one of the most important characteristics of life is reproduction. Yet many believers have never reproduced believers. In a sense they are contradictions to what a Christian is. Every believer should be a spiritual father, God’s instrument for bringing new lives into His kingdom. That begins the discipling process.
Paul left spiritual progeny everywhere he visited and ministered. He had founded numerous churches in the province of Galatia, and when he wrote to them he addressed them not only as his brothers (Gal. 1:11;4:12) but also as his children (4:19). Paul called Timothy his “true child in the faith” (1 Tim. 1:2) and Titus his “true child in a common faith” (Titus (1:4). The runaway slave Onesimus was the apostle’s “child, whom [he had] begotten in [his] imprisonment” (Philem. 10). Everywhere he went he led people to Christ, thereby becoming their spiritual father.
The apostle did not claim to have the power of spiritual procreation. In Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel. The source of every spiritual birth is the power of God in Christ coupled with the Word of God. Only “that which is born of the Spirit is spirit” (John 3:6) and “In the exercise of [God’s] will He brought us forth by the word of truth” (James 1:18).
But the Lord also has chosen to use human agents as His witnesses (Acts 1:8), to “make disciples of all the nations” (Matt. 28:19). Jesus commanded us to pray for “the Lord of the harvest to send out workers into His harvest” (Matt. 9:38). The fruit of the harvest is entirely in the Lord’s hands, but He has called us to be His co-laborers in His fields. Charles Hodge said, “For though multitudes are converted by the Spirit through the Word without any ministerial intervention, just as grain springs up here and there without a husbandman, yet it is the ordinance of God that the harvest of souls should be gathered by workmen appointed for that purpose.”
God’s harvesters become the spiritual fathers of those they “reap” for the Lord.
HE SETS AN EXAMPLE
I exhort you therefore, be imitators of me. For this reason I have sent to you Timothy, who is my beloved and faithful child in the Lord, and he will remind you of my ways which are in Christ. (4:16-17a)
Without a good example, a parent’s teaching cannot be effective. A spiritual father must set the example for his spiritual children, as Paul was careful to do. With confidence, but without bragging, he could say, be imitators of me. He not only could say, “Do as I say,” but also, “Do as I do.” The Greek term is equivalent to our word mimic (cf. Matt. 23:3).
Often the hardest place to disciple is in the home. When we disciple those outside our families, they often see us only in ideal situations, where it is easy to act spiritual and mature. But our children see us in all of our moods, in all of our attitudes and actions. They know firsthand if we are living up to what we are trying to teach them. If we are not, most of our instruction and admonition will fall on deaf ears. Even if we sincerely love them, our children are more likely to follow what we do than what we say. Having godly children is required of an elder (1 Tim. 3:4-5) in part, at least, because that is good evidence that he himself is godly. Discipling is more than teaching right principles; it is also living those principles before the ones being discipled (cf. 1 Tim. 4:12).
Paul was so successful as a discipler that he could entrust his discipling to those he had discipled. For this reason I have sent to you Timothy, who is my beloved and faithful child in the Lord, and he will remind you of my ways which are in Christ. For this reason refers to the goal of making the Corinthians imitators of Paul. To accomplish that he sent Timothy. What a thought! Timothy was so like Paul that he could be sent as a Pauline model. The apostle had done such a complete work as a spiritual father to Timothy that he could send Timothy to continue discipling the Corinthians on his behalf. He was a replica. That is the epitome of raising spiritual children: being able to send them to work in our place. When we are Christlike, those we disciple will be more likely to become Christlike and be able to help others become Christlike. This obviously provides a potentially great multiplication of ministry. Paul loved Timothy and commended him as a faithful child who would bring back to mind the Christlike life pattern of Paul, because it was also his own life pattern.
HE TEACHES
just as I teach everywhere in every church. (4:17b)
We cannot believe truths we do not know or live principles we have never heard of. A major part of discipling is teaching the Word of God, telling and explaining its truths.
In the case of the Corinthian church, Paul had already taught them carefully for eighteen months (Acts 18:11). They had been thoroughly grounded in the Word. Timothy’s job was to remind them of what Paul had taught and of the way he had lived among them. His discipling was a follow-up of the apostle’s. Paul had taught the same truths everywhere in every church, indicating that he is referring to doctrine rather than some specific advice, and Timothy’s job was to reinforce those great eternal truths by his own teaching and his own example.
It is not enough to be correct in what we teach; we must also be understandable. We must put aside our degrees, academic accomplishments, and theological jargon and simply speak the truth plainly and in love (Eph. 4:15). If we love those we witness to and disciple, our objective will not be to impress them with our learning but to help them with theirs. Bishop John Ryle was convinced that one of the keys to the 18th century revival in England was the simplicity of the preaching of such men as Wesley and Whitefield. He said, “They were not ashamed to crucify their style or sacrifice their reputation for learning. They carried out the maxim of Augustine, who said that a wooden key is not as beautiful as a gold one, but if it can open the door when the gold one cannot, it is far more useful.” It is not sermonizing that is needed, nor homilies demonstrating cleverness, but sound, true doctrine out of Scripture to counter the wisdom of men (cf. 2:1-8).
Jesus’ teaching not only was the supreme model of power and depth but of simplicity. The great crowds to whom He preached were composed mostly of common, uneducated folk. Yet they “enjoyed listening to Him” or, as in the King James Version, “the common people heard him gladly” (Mark 12:37).
HE DISCIPLINES
Now some have become arrogant, as though I were not coming to you. But I will come to you soon, if the Lord wills, and 1 shall find out, not the words of those who are arrogant, but their power. For the kingdom of God does not consist in words, but in power. What do you desire? Shall I come to you with a rod or with love and a spirit of gentleness? (4:18-21)
There are times when spiritual fathers, like natural fathers, have to discipline their children. When a Christian slips into wrong doctrine or wrong behavior he needs correction. He needs to be told in love, but with firmness, “Your testimony is not what it ought to be. You are not living by the Bible principles you have learned. You need to change.” Such confrontations are never easy but they are often necessary.
Some of the Corinthians not only had slipped into sin but had become arrogant (phusioō, “to inflate, puff up, blow up”) about it. Thinking they would probably never see Paul again, as though [he] were not coming, they thought they could get by with doing as they pleased. They may have been so arrogant as to think Paul would not dare to confront them. The church had a serious problem with pride and self-will, and when strong spiritual leadership was not in place, many believers easily slipped back into their old ways of thinking and behaving.
But contrary to what they hoped, Paul assured them that he planned to see them again and soon. He knew better than to make plans that were not subject to the Lord’s change, and so added, if the Lord wills. More than once he had made plans for his ministry that he was not able to carry out. On the second missionary journey Paul, Silas, and Timothy “were trying to go into Bithynia, and the Spirit of Jesus did not permit them” (Acts 16:7). God’s plan was for them to begin evangelizing farther west, into what we now know as Europe, and so they went to Macedonia instead of Bithynia. It is always presumptuous to make plans, even for the Lord’s own work, that are not willingly open to His approval and change.
In spite of what they thought Paul might be afraid to do, if he went back to Corinth his first order of business would be to call the bluff of those who were blatant in their backsliding. He would soon discover not the words of those who are arrogant, but their power. He would not let their sinning go unchallenged. For their own sakes, as well as the gospel’s, he could not fail to discipline them. An undisciplined child belongs to parents who do not deeply care about his welfare. Paul was too loving a spiritual father not to discipline. As he expected the Corinthians to follow his example, he would follow God’s: “For whom the Lord loves He reproves, even as a father, the son in whom he delights” (Prov. 3:12; cf. Heb. 12:6; Rev. 3:19).
The arrogant backsliders talked a lot about their freedom and independence and rights, much as do many professing believers today who buy the world’s philosophy and like to ape its ways. They no doubt thought they had good arguments for Paul in the event he showed up. But he would be checking their spiritual power, not their words, the inside not the outside. God’s people should reflect God’s kingdom, His rule and glory, which does not consist in words, but in power. This is a central principle of great importance. Faith that does not result in right living may have many words to support it, but it will have no power. A person’s true spiritual character is not determined by the impressiveness of his words but by the power of his life (cf. Matt. 7:21-23).
Paul was hopeful that the erring Corinthians would repent of their arrogance and change before he returned. He gave them a choice. What do you desire? Shall I come to you with a rod or with love and a spirit of gentleness? Paul had made his own preference clear. He did not want to shame them, but to admonish them as children whom he loved dearly (vl4). That is the mark of every godly father.
If he needed to use a stick to shape them up, he would use one. He does not have in mind a literal stick to beat them with, but an attitude and spirit of strong, painful discipline. He would deal sternly with their pride, the sin God hates most. But if they responded favorably to his letter, he would treat them with restrained, patient kindness.
In his dealing with that wayward church that he loved so dearly, Paul demonstrates the elements for effective discipling of spiritual children.