19Reasons for Remaining Single (7:25-40)

Now concerning virgins I have no command of the Lord, but I give an opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy. I think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you should marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin should marry, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you. But this I say, brethren, the time has been shortened, so that from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none; and those who weep, as though they did not weep; and those who rejoice, as though they did not rejoice; and those who buy, as though they did not possess; and those who use the world, as though they did not make full use of it; for the form of this world is passing away. But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. And this I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is seemly, and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.

But if any man thinks that he is acting unbecomingly toward his virgin daughter, if she should be of full age, and if it must be so, let him do what he wishes, he does not sin; let her marry. But he who stands firm in his heart, being under no constraint, but has authority over his own will, and has decided this in his own heart, to keep his own virgin daughter, he will do well. So then both he who gives his own virgin daughter in marriage does well, and he who does not give her in marriage will do better.

A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. But in my opinion she is happier if she remains as she is; and I think that I also have the Spirit of God. (7:25-40)

In his discussion of marriage and singleness, Paul has made it clear that neither state is spiritually better than the other. The Roman Catholic idea that celibate priests and nuns are necessarily more devoted to God is contrary to this teaching. Being married or single has nothing in itself to do with spirituality. A married person for whom it is the Lord’s will to be married is no more or less spiritual than a single person for whom it is the Lord’s will to be single. Spirituality is based on obedience to God. Just as in relation to circumcision, “what matters is the keeping of the commandments of God” (7:19).

Many books, magazine articles, conferences, and programs today focus on the biblical standards for marriage and the family. Many of those are excellent and helpful. Much less attention, however, is given to what the Bible says about singleness. A great deal of the literature and programs for singles is directed toward helping them “cope,” and seems to reflect an underlying assumption that being single is not quite normal and is certainly not desirable.

Admittedly, many who are single have difficulty because sin has brought on the singleness, and they have to lie in the empty bed they made for themselves. But for the person to whom God has given the gift of singleness (7:7) that state has many practical advantages. Continuing to answer the questions about which the Corinthians had written him (7:1), Paul gives six reasons for remaining single: (1) the pressure of the system (vv. 25-27); (2) the problems of the flesh (v. 28); (3) the passing of the world (vv. 29-31); (4) the preoccupations of marriage (32-35); (5) the promises of fathers (vv. 36-38); and (6) the permanency of marriage (vv. 39-40).

THE PRESSURE OF THE SYSTEM

The principle here is that it is good … to remain as [one] is, and those in view are virgins, including both women and men (a man).

Again (cf. v. 12) Paul points out that Jesus gave no direct teaching on the goodness of singleness (I have no command of the Lord), although He alludes to it in Matt. 19:12. Yet the apostle’s teaching is no less divine and authoritative. Opinion (gnome) can carry the ideas of “judgment, consideration, and conviction.” As an apostle who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy, Paul’s conviction was that it is better for single Christians to remain single, if they have the gift from God.

But although this perspective is authoritative, it is not given as an absolute or as a command. It is an authoritative guideline, thoroughly dependable advice, and is twice stated in verse 26 to be good. Paul and the Lord are saying that singleness makes good sense.

The first reason Paul gives for remaining single is the pressure of the system, the world situation of that day, that he called the present distress. Anankē (distress) means “a stress, calamity,” or sometimes “the means of calamity” (such as torture or violence). Some suggest that the reference is to the violent conflict between the new creation in Christ and the old cosmos, the world system. When a person becomes a Christian he immediately gets into some degree of conflict with the ungodly system around him.

Mention of the present distress, however, may also indicate that Paul had a more specific and severe type of conflict in mind. Countless Christians had been arrested, beaten, imprisoned, and even killed because of the gospel. Jesus had warned the disciples that they would be made “outcasts from the synagogue,” and that “an hour is coming for everyone who kills you to think that he is offering service to God” (John 16:2).

Paul seemed to sense the coming terrible Roman persecutions, the first of which would begin under Nero some ten years after Paul wrote 1 Corinthians. That emperor refined torture to a diabolical art, and his name became synonymous with sadistic cruelty. He had Christians sewn up in animal skins and thrown before wild dogs to be torn apart and eaten. Other believers were dressed in clothes soaked in wax, tied to trees, and set on fire—to become human candles for his garden.

Corinth itself would furnish one of the early Christian martyrs. According to Foxe’s Book of Martyrs, Erastus, the treasurer of that city (Rom. 16:23) and probably a convert of Paul’s, was martyred.

Persecution is difficult enough for a single person, but the problems and pain are multiplied for one who is married. If Paul had been married, his suffering would have been magnified by his worry about his family and knowledge of their worry about him. They would have suffered every time he was beaten or stoned or imprisoned and would have been constantly fearful for his life. Who would have taken care of them in his absence? Who would have taught his children and comforted his wife? His suffering and his practical problems would have increased and the effectiveness of his ministry decreased. Married believers who go through social turmoil and persecution cannot escape carrying a much heavier load than those who are single.

Those who are already married, however, must not seek to be released. Marriage is a lifelong bond that can be broken only by death, adultery, or divorce by an unbelieving spouse. Other problems, no matter how severe, are never grounds for divorce.

For those who have the gift of singleness, therefore, it is much wiser to remain single. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. “Cherish your singleness as a blessing from God,” Paul is saying. “Take advantage of its many advantages.”

God still gives the gift of singleness to some of His children. And many signs point to times of increasing conflict and even persecution for Christians in our world. In Matthew 24 Jesus vividly pictured the turmoil and terror of the end times. It would be characterized by wars, apostasy, persecution, false prophets, and universal tribulation. We can already see overpopulation, pollution, rampant crime and immorality, false prophets and cults, apostasy, and increased threat of global war. The turn of the century could produce widespread warfare, civil strife, revolution, famine, disease, persecution, despotism, natural disasters, and economic stagnation and depression.

THE PROBLEMS OF THE FLESH

But if you should marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin should marry, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you. (7:28)

Paul again makes it clear that it is not a sin for single believers to get married, as long as it is to another believer (v. 39; cf. 2 Cor. 6:14). Even those with the gift of singleness do not sin if they get married. So if you should marry, for whatever reason, you have not sinned. The point is that marriage is a legitimate option, but it is good to consider first the option of singleness.

Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you. The apostle is giving practical advice, not a moral or spiritual command. Believers are still sinful and subject to limitations and weaknesses of the flesh. It is hard enough for a sinner to live with himself, let alone with another sinner. When two people are bound together in marriage the problems of human nature are multiplied. Close living allows us to see our partner’s faults more clearly, and vice versa. Children of Christian parents are born sinful just as is every child, and they do not become sinless when they are saved. They will have some measure of conflict with each other and with their parents.

It is not that marriage is not rewarding, or that family life is uninterrupted trouble. A loving, devoted, spiritual family not only is a great joy and strength to its members but also strengthens and blesses those around it. Paul is simply pointing out that marriage may cause some problems while it solves others. It is not intended by God to resolve all personal, emotional, or spiritual difficulties. It definitely intensifies some of them.

Trouble (thlipsis) literally means “pressed together, or under pressure.” Marriage presses two people together in the closest possible ways. The two become one, but they are still two personalities, two distinct people with their own likes and dislikes, their own characteristics, emotions, temperaments, and wills. Each partner has some degree of anger, selfishness, dishonesty, pride, forgetfulness, and thoughtlessness. That is true even of the best marriages. When one partner is an unbeliever, or is immature, self-centered, temperamental, or domineering, every conflict is magnified.

Marriage involves conflicts, demands, hardships, sacrifices, and adjustments that singleness does not. Marriage is ordained of God, good, holy, and fulfilling; but it does not solve all problems. It brings more. Marriage never should be used as a way of escape, even from loneliness. Many people carry their loneliness right into marriage, and end up making another person lonely. And although it is God’s means for normal sexual fulfillment, marriage does not end temptation to lust and immorality. Paul tells those who do not have sexual self-control to “marry; for it is better to marry than to burn” (7:9). But even though there is the satisfaction of physical desire, the mind may be drawn to illicit fulfillment. Sexual sins will not be corrected by marriage. They may only be worsened by adding another person to their list of afflicted people. Through repentance and forgiveness they can, of course, be removed after a person is married—but they will not be removed by the marriage. Nor is marriage a guarantee that sexual sin will not return. There are troubles unique to singleness, but they may be exceeded by those in marriage.

THE PASSING OF THE WORLD

But this I say, brethren, the time has been shortened, so that from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none; and those who weep, as though they did not weep; and those who rejoice, as though they did not rejoice; and those who buy, as though they did not possess; and those who use the world, as though they did not make full use of it; for the form of this world is passing away. (7:29-31)

The focus of this passage is at the end of verse 31: for the form of this world is passing away. Form (schēma) means “fashion, manner of life, way of doing things, or mode of existence.” The mode of the world is impermanence; it is passing away.

Although God-ordained and blessed, marriage is not an eternal relationship. Speaking of the angels in heaven, Jesus said that “they neither marry, nor are given in marriage” (Matt. 22:30). Godly marriages are “made in heaven,” but they will not carry over into heaven. Marriage will disappear with this world, because it is designed only for this world, not the next. Cults that teach of marriage in heaven contradict one of the Lord’s clearest and most specific teachings. Marriage is passing away.

The time (kairos) refers to a definite period, a fixed, appointed time; and that period has been shortened, or drawn together so that it is a small amount. Human life at its longest is brief, “a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away” (James 4:14). “All flesh is like grass, and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls off” (1 Pet. 1:24; cf. Isa. 40:6-8). In times of persecution life is often made even more brief.

For husbands and wives to live as though they had none, does not teach that marriage is no longer binding on believers or that their marital responsibilities are reduced. Marriage lasts only for life, and is therefore as brief as life. Yet a brief life and hard circumstances do not lessen the obligations of husbands and wives. Among other things wives are to be subject to their husbands, husbands are to love their wives (Eph. 5:22-25, 28, 33; Col. 3:18-19), and neither is to deprive the other of marital rights (1 Cor. 7:3-5). Paul is teaching that marriage should not reduce a Chilian’s obligation and devotion to the Lord and His work. The responsibilities of marriage are no excuse for slacking the Lord’s work. That is to invert the priorities.

Today it has become increasingly difficult, because of close attachment to families, to get Christians—including missionaries—to be strongly dedicated to serving the Lord. In many cases they do not want to be separated from the companionship of their wives for more than a week or two at most, even though an important ministry may need more time than that. There must be a balance, a scriptural balance, between fulfilling marriage needs and serving the Lord.

The primary affections of all Christians, whether married or single, should be set “on the things above, not on the things that are on the earth” (Col. 3:2). “Do not love the world, nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him…. And the world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God abides forever” (1 John 2:15, 17). We must understand the priority of the eternal over the temporal.

In addition to marriage, Paul gives four other areas in which priorities and perspectives must be kept right. The second and third areas have to do with the emotions of sorrow and joy. Those who weep should live as though they did not weep; and those who rejoice, as though they did not rejoice. Emotions are more controllable than we sometimes think, especially for Christians. We are not to be emotionless, and certainly not hard-hearted or indifferent. Love does not allow such attitudes. But Christian love is much more than emotion; it is an act of will, not simply a reaction to circumstances. True love will, in fact, help keep our emotions in proportion and perspective. When a husband, wife, child, or dear friend dies or becomes crippled or diseased, we do not laugh or celebrate. On the other hand, the mature Christian does not fall apart and lose all hope and purpose and motivation.

With our emphasis on celebration and happiness it is also easy for believers to get carried away with rejoicing over those things that pass away. A personal success, an inheritance, or a business promotion sometimes excites us more than a spiritual victory. Even when we give the Lord credit for the blessing, we can lose our perspective and be controlled more by our emotions than by our good judgment and spiritual priorities.

The fourth area of concern is that of finances and possessions: and those who buy, as though they did not possess. Corinthian Christians were in no more danger in this area than many believers today. The accumulation of money and of the things it can buy is a preoccupation of many Christians, who in this regard cannot be distinguished from the unbelieving world around them. Many of us are more concerned about our bank accounts, houses, and cars than about our spirituality—more concerned about the outward than the inward. We are strongly attached to the form of this world, even though we know it is passing away.

The fifth area of concern is that of pleasure: and those who use the world, as though they did not make full use of it. In times of affluence, ease, permissiveness, and inordinate self-acceptance it is easy to live for pleasure. Pleasures that are not immoral or extravagant may still be worldly. More leisure, more vacation time, earlier retirement, more comfortable homes, and such things can so occupy our interest and time that the things of the Spirit are neglected.

None of the five areas about which Paul warns is inherently bad. Marriage, sorrow, rejoicing, possessions, and pleasure all have a proper place in the Christian life. In fact, each is a part of God’s provision for life here. Asceticism not only is not taught in Scripture, it is forbidden (Col. 2:18, 23; 1 Tim. 4:3). But human relationships, emotions, possessions, and pleasures become sinful when they dominate thought and behavior, and especially when they detract us from the Lord’s work. We are to hold marriage in the highest honor (Heb. 13:4), to “rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep” (Rom. 12:15), and not despise earthly possessions. Our “heavenly Father knows that [we] need all these things” (Matt. 6:32). But we should not overvalue those things, knowing that they are passing away.

THE PREOCCUPATIONS OF MARRIAGE

But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. And this I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is seemly, and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord. (7:32-35)

The fourth reason for staying single is the preoccupations that marriage brings. Both husbands and wives are concerned about the things of the world. They are concerned about the earthly needs of each other, as they should be. The husband is concerned about how he may please his wife, and the wife about how she may please her husband. The one who is unmarried (here agamos is used in a general way) is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord and how she may be holy both in body and spirit. But the married person’s interests are divided between the earthly and the heavenly. And so it should be.

The woman who is unmarried, (here agamos is used in the sense of divorced) and the virgin (in contrast to those single by divorce) are able to be holy in body and spirit. Holy is used here in its basic sense of separation, being set apart. Single Christians, whether formerly married or never married, are not intrinsically more righteous or faithful than married ones. But they are able, because of fewer family demands and obligations, to be more devoted to the Lord’s work. Being holy, or separated, is contrasted with being divided. It is not that the married believer has divided spiritual loyalties or that the unmarried is more spiritually faithful. Many married believers are holy in the sense of being highly devoted to the Lord, and many single believers are divided in their spiritual interests. But practically, the unmarried person, both in body and spirit, is potentially able to set himself or herself apart from the things of this life more exclusively for the Lord’s work than is the married.

Married Christians should not feel guilty about being married and unmarried Christians should not feel guilty about getting married. The apostle is not trying to add to the burdens and cares that married persons already have, and he is not trying to force single believers into the permanent mold of singleness. This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is seemly, and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.

Marriage does not prevent great devotion to the Lord, and singleness does not guarantee it. But singleness has fewer hindrances and more advantages. It is easier for a single person to be singleminded in the things of the Lord. The married Christian has no choice. His interests must be divided. He cannot be faithful to the Lord if he is unfaithful to his family. “If anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Tim. 5:8). The single person, however, has a choice. He is free to marry or not. He is not under restraint to remain single. His choice is not between right and wrong but between good and better.

Paul was not putting a legalistic noose (the literal meaning of restraint) around the necks of single Christians. They are not under compulsion either to marry or to remain single. In advising them to remain as they were, he had two motives, both of them for their own benefit. He wanted to spare them trouble (v. 28; cf. v. 32), and he wanted them to have undistracted devotion to the Lord. The word devotion has the idea of waiting alongside the Lord as those who serve (cf. 9:13).

THE PROMISES OF FATHERS

In Jewish culture, parents, and particularly fathers, had long had a dominant role in deciding whom their children would marry. The same general custom prevailed in many ancient societies, including that of Rome. Some historians credit Rome’s decline in part to the weakening of the family caused by loss of parental control in arranging marriages. In New Testament times the arranged marriage, especially for young people, was the norm.

In light of the extant teaching about the advantages of singleness, some of the fathers in Corinth apparently had dedicated their young daughters to the Lord as permanent virgins. But when the daughters became of marriageable age, many of them no doubt wanted to be married, and their fathers were in a quandary. Should they break the vow they made for the girl? It is likely that many of the girls did not have the gift of singleness and were struggling with their desire to get married and their desire to please their fathers and the Lord. The problem was among those mentioned in the church’s letter to Paul (7:1).

Again the emphasis is on the option believers have in regard to marriage. If the intended partner is a Christian, marriage is always permissible. A father who had vowed his daughter’s remaining single in order to serve the Lord more devotedly was free to change his mind and allow her to marry if she were insistent. After all, it was a vow made for someone else, and was therefore subject to that person’s spiritual needs. If she should be of full age, and if it must be so, let him do what he wishes, he does not sin; let her marry. Just as unmarried people themselves are under no restraint (v. 35) and do not commit sin by marrying (v. 28), neither does a father who has made a vow do wrong by changing his mind. His making the vow is good; but if his daughter is not able or inclined to follow it, both she and her father are free to do as they wish. If it must be so indicates that she really is designed for marriage, and the father should allow it.

But if the father stands firm in his heart, that is, does not change his mind about the promise; and is under no constraint by the daughter to change his mind; and has a good and pure motive (has authority over his own will) and is deeply committed (decided this in his own heart); he may keep his own virgin daughter. Constraint is better translated “necessity,” referring to the daughter’s necessity to get married (cf. “if it must be so,” v. 36). Only the daughter’s unwillingness to keep the vow should cause the father to change his mind. His steadfastness in his vow will encourage his daughter to be steadfast in hers. In doing that he will do well.

Paul repeats the option: So then both he who gives his own virgin daughter in marriage does well, and he who does not give her in marriage will do better. As with the single themselves (v. 28), the choice is not between right and wrong but between good (well) and better.

THE PERMANENCY OF MARRIAGE

This additional word about singleness is not tacked on to Paul’s discussion, as some interpreters suggest. It focuses on the permanency of the marriage relationship. The relationship is not permanent in the sense of being eternal but in the sense of being lifelong. It is binding as long as both partners are alive. The disciples responded to this teaching of our Lord by saying, “If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry” (Matt. 19:10). Although Christians with the gift of singleness are free to get married, they should keep in mind that they are bound for the rest of their lives if they should die before their partners. In any case the believer will be bound as long as her husband [or wife] lives, which is often well into old age and past the time for the most productive service to the Lord.

If the partner is dead, the believer is free to be married, as long as the new partner is in the Lord (cf. 9:5). The particular advice here is to widows, but it applies also to widowers. The two main points are that widowed believers are not bound to stay single but that, if they do remarry, it must be to another believer.

But remarriage is not the ideal; it is not God’s best for everyone. In my opinion she is happier if she remains as she is. Again (cf. vv. 28, 32, 35) Paul makes it clear that he is not giving a command, but is giving counsel for the benefit and blessing of those who take it. A widowed person who has God’s grace for singleness will be happier to remain single.

Paul’s statement I think that I also have the Spirit of God does not lessen but strengthen his point. With a touch of sarcasm he was saying that he, too, had access to the leading of the Holy Spirit—a claim apparently made both by the group that advocated celibacy only and by the group that advocated marriage only. He was still speaking as “an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God” (1:1). His command was God’s command and his advice was God’s advice.