Original Meaning

“ALSO THESE ARE proverbs of Solomon” reads the Hebrew literally, but this superscription also names a second king, “Hezekiah king of Judah,” and it credits his men with preserving these proverbs. Just as two kings are named in this superscription, so also many of the sayings in 25:1–29:27 are meant to be read and interpreted as pairs, one shedding more light on the other. Most interpreters find a two-part structure in the section as well: a concentration of nature similes in chapters 25–27 and contrasts between the righteous and the wicked in chapters 28–29.

Moreover, the message of chapters 25–27 is directed toward servants and messengers, while many of the sayings of chapters 28–29 are addressed to rulers.1 In the middle of this section is a pastoral poem (27:23–27) that also speaks to the responsibilities of kings and servants. Similes and comparisons take on the quality of riddles. The difficulty of translating these proverbs also leads to much head scratching, as the NIV text notes indicate.

Chapter 25 forms a subsection with repetition of words at the beginning and end (“glory/honor” and “search out/seek” in vv. 2, 27; “honey” in vv. 16, 27).2 Van Leeuwen presents a structure that alternates between sayings and admonitions (S and A) as well as the dimension of good and evil (+ and −):3

Introduction: S + (vv. 2–5)

I A−(vv. 6–10)

S + (vv. 11–15)

II A. A−(vv. 16–17)

S−(vv. 18–20)

II B. A + (vv. 21–22)

S−(vv. 23–27)

However, two characters, the king and the neighbor, figure prominently throughout. Sayings about right speaking and neighbor love bring court and common together:

Kings and honors (25:1–7)

Neighbors and testimony (25:8–10)

Rulers and words (25:11–15)

Neighbors good and bad (25:16–20)

Waters and words (25:21–26)

Honey and honor (25:27–28)

Kings and Honors (25:1–7)

PROVERBS ABOUT THE king and honors explore the mysteries of authority and status.

25:1. The phrase “proverbs of Solomon” is identical with 1:1 and 10:1, but here it specifies that “these also” (lit.) were “copied by the men of Hezekiah king of Judah.” The Hebrew root of the verb “copy” (ʿtq) carries the idea of moving (cf. Gen. 12:8; 26:22), perhaps in moving the sayings from another collection to this one, perhaps in passing the sayings on to others. The mention of Hezekiah’s men points to a tradition of collecting and arranging the sayings to be passed on to another generation.4

Many of these proverbs speak of kings, but Hezekiah and Solomon had more than that in common. Both are remembered for their wonderful exploits of leadership but also for leaving kingdoms that did not survive them. Solomon’s was split, Hezekiah’s lost, each downfall taking place after their reigns. The allusion calls readers to pay attention to those character qualities and practices that build up community life instead of tearing it down.

25:2. Previous introductions to “proverbs of Solomon” were followed by instructions to sons (1:8; 10:1), but here the focus is on the king, and this theme continues through verse 7. Kings find glory in searching out matters that God has concealed, not in conquests or in great accumulations of wealth.5 Kings were recipients of divine wisdom in the ancient Near East,6 and so Solomon asked for such wisdom (1 Kings 3:16–28); thus, nothing was hidden from him (1 Kings 10:3).

Each of the two lines of this proverb begins and ends with the same Hebrew words; it can be translated: “Glory of God to conceal a matter, but glory of kings to search out a matter.” The word for “matter” in most other contexts means “word” (dabar), but can we not say that God conceals secrets of creation in both? It may be that the wise make clever sayings to mimic the recalcitrant secrets of the created order; they hide truth in order to reveal it, or in this case, to invite seekers to investigate. It is also a king’s duty to search out matters of truth in human affairs, “winnowing out evil with his eyes” (20:8).

25:3. Kings may search out a matter (25:2), but their own hearts are unsearchable, as high as the heavens and deep as the earth. Just as no one can fathom all there is to know of creation or the greatness of Yahweh, who brought it into being (Job 5:9; Ps. 145:3; Isa. 40:28), so the heart of the king is never fully known, perhaps even to himself (Jer. 7:10). But why is this important? (1) It shows that the king’s breadth and depth of understanding are great. (2) God and king are associated in Proverbs 24:21–22 with a warning about not knowing the calamities they can bring—we dare not imagine that we can figure them out. However, the God who conceals also reveals what we should know and obey (Deut. 29:28–29). To paraphrase Mark Twain, it is better to follow what we do understand rather than worry about what we do not.

25:4–5. These two proverbs are linked by the catchword “remove” or drive out, as well as by parallel form and repetition of Hebrew sounds. Although each saying can stand alone, the first states the general principle while the second names the specific situation of rebellion and judgment treated in the previous chapter (24:21–26; cf. 16:12; 20:28; 29:14). The puzzle of “material” that comes out of (or “from,” NIV text note) the smith’s fire may best be understood as a technical term that encompasses both the refining and the casting of the metal, used for the calf that came out of the fire (Ex. 32:24) and the weapon “forged” (Isa. 54:16–17).7 No one prefers a corrupt government any more than anyone wants impure silver; it is in this sense that the throne is “established through righteousness.” The king searches out matters (Prov. 25:2) so that he can remove wickedness from his presence.

25:6–7. A prohibition and a “better than” saying are paired by not only theme but also by the terms for up and down, small and great. The saying in verse 6 is also linked with verse 5 by the phrase “king’s presence” (cf. 25:1–3; 22:29). If the king will not tolerate the wicked, neither will he tolerate sycophants and hangers-on who hope to gain something by hobnobbing with people of status and means. The prohibition is clear: Do not put yourself in the company of the great; let the king bestow that honor. If you claim it for yourself, you will be put in your place, (lit.) “a lower place before a noble” (cf. 16:19; 29:23); it is better to choose humility than to be humiliated.8 There are three “do not” prohibitions in 25:6, 8, and 9, with three corresponding instances of shame in the eyes of others for being too proud, litigious, or talkative. It is better to show restraint in all three cases, to hold back and take your time.

Neighbors and Testimony (25:8–10)

THESE THREE SAYINGS move matters out of the royal court and into community, warning against hasty lawsuits and reckless testimony against a neighbor.

25:8. As the verse division and text note show, verse 8 is not an easy one to translate. Does the line “what [or who] your eyes see” refer to the nobleman of verse 7 or a matter brought too quickly to court (see NIV text note)? There is a connection with verses 6–7; just as one should not move too quickly to a high position, so one should not be too quick to contend that one is right before a judge. Your neighbor may prove you wrong (cf. 18:17; 11:12).

25:9–10. “Your neighbor” (reʿeka) and “argue your case” (rib) and “shame” link verses 8 with verses 9 and 10, as does the prohibition followed by “lest” (pen). If it is foolish to go before legal authorities too quickly, it is also possible to speak rashly when the time comes to argue a case. Unrelated assaults on character come easy when one has damaging secrets to divulge, but such attempts at disgrace usually backfire. The result is shame plus a bad reputation that never goes away.

Rulers and Words (25:11–15)

METAPHORS OF JEWELRY and weather describe words, both loving and careless.

25:11–12. Rather than misuse speech in mistaken testimony or slander (cf. 25:8–10), words are meant to be spoken at the right time for good purposes. Just as a jewelry maker sets a finely wrought apple of gold into its silver setting, wise people know how to bring the right word to a situation. Each displays a beauty that is the mark of a skilled artist. What is the “word aptly spoken”?9 It can be a word of reproof or correction, yet it must find a receptive listener (15:23).10 The sender must be careful not only to craft persuasive words but also to exercise discernment in determining when it is best to speak and when to keep silent.

25:13–15. A proverb about the power of persuasive speaking is preceded by a pair of sayings about personal reliability, all three together showing the difference between speaking faithfully and falsely. It is not clear whether the cool snow comes from the skies during a late harvest or from the high mountains during the summer harvest. Either way, the point of comparison is the refreshment it brings, similar to the refreshment one feels when one has confidence in a messenger (cf. 25:25; also 13:17; 22:21).

Gifts promised but not given are (lit.) “false” (NIV “he does not have,” 25:14; cf. 25:18; 26:28). This verse reminds readers of previous sayings about gifts and influence (18:16; 19:6; 21:14). Yet attempts at influence can fail or backfire; it is better to be a person of patience (lit., “long of nose,” i.e., slow to anger, cf. 14:29; 15:18; 16:32) and gentleness. The soft tongue that breaks a bone (25:15) speaks of quiet determination that persuades. To be quiet and slow to anger is not a sign of weakness but of power (cf. 16:32).

Neighbors Good and Bad (25:16–20)

AFTER DESCRIBING THE words that persuade a ruler, the attention returns to issues of speaking and living with one’s neighbors.

25:16–17. Like the pair at 25:4–5, here a metaphor is applied to a specific situation. Another saying on temperance recognizes that honey is a treat few will refuse (24:13), but the taste can, as the abbot said to Romeo, become “loathsome in its own deliciousness.” The intense flavor that makes honey so desirable is also what demands moderation (23:1–3, 6–8). Just as too much of a good thing becomes the opposite, so friends and neighbors are good, even sweet, as long as visits are not too frequent or too long. The phrase “too much of xx” is repeated to underline the point, as is the admonition to (lit.) “make rare” one’s steps, using the root often translated as “precious” for stones or jewels (3:15; 20:15; 24:14).

25:18–20. This trio of sayings uses experiences of pain to describe people who cannot be trusted or counted on. Linked with the verse before by the repetition of “neighbor,” verse 18 compares weapons designed for war with false testimony, which is also designed to injure (Ex. 20:16). Unlike the soft tongue that is strong enough to break bones (Prov. 25:15), weapons like these are meant to coerce, not persuade. Bad teeth and lame feet cannot be relied on to do their jobs; moreover, they are often painful. Therefore, trusting in unfaithful people is a lot like bearing down on a sore foot or trying to eat with an aching tooth; the word for “unfaithful” may even denote treachery (bgd, 25:19; cf. 11:3; 21:18).

One who sings songs to a heavy heart (25:20) probably does not mean to cause pain, but the poor timing has the effect of pulling off a needed coat or dissolving soda with vinegar (cf. 25:11–12 on right timing).11 In each case, what is needed is lost or missing, particularly the word of comfort or understanding. Each action is inappropriate and therefore hurtful.

Waters and Words (25:21–26)

IMAGES OF WATERS good and bad illustrate the importance of speaking well and doing good.

25:21–22. Rather than taking away a needed coat or singing songs to the sad, one should practice kindness, even to one’s enemies, giving food to the hungry and water to the thirsty (cf. 25:25). Jesus spoke of kindness to one’s enemy, quoting this proverb and the ancient tradition it represents,12 as did the apostle Paul (Matt. 5:43–48; Rom. 12:17–20).

But what does it mean to heap burning coals on the enemies’ head? Three of the four lines of Proverbs 25:21–22 are clear, so we should keep Yahweh’s reward for kindness to enemies at the forefront as we try to make sense of a puzzling image. Interpretations have for the most part followed one of two options set forth in antiquity: the burning coals either symbolize “burning pangs of shame” that lead to repentance (Augustine and Jerome) or the final punishment of an enemy who refuses to be reconciled, even after being fed (Origen and Chrysostom).13 The search for a similar practice in ancient Near Eastern culture has discovered a variety of practices: Coals placed in a tray were carried on the head as a gift to the poor or as a sign of repentance; burning coals were also placed directly on the head to punish, to heal wounds, or to relieve suffering for a person dying of rabies!

Whatever the ancient referent, the solution seems to be in the reversal of the expected; just as songs to a troubled heart are out of place (25:20), so is kindness to an enemy. If a gentle tongue can break bone (25:15), so kindness is a power that overcomes any enemy, like dumping hot coals on an invading army trying to scale a wall (Ps. 140:9–10). Even if one’s enemy hates this show of love, takes it as judgment, or finds his head burning with shame, at least Yahweh approves and will reward it.

25:23–24. Two sayings about anger and quarreling imply that paying attention to how one speaks can make a difference. The saying in verse 23 not only requires interpretation of the comparison but also asks the reader to make a connection with the other saying about wind and rain (25:14). The sly tongue is (lit.) a “hidden” (sater; cf. “conceal,” str, in 25:2) tongue, which some take to be whispering or backbiting. Others believe the north wind, which usually does not bring rain in Israel, is also “hidden.”14 Secret words about others will be heard and produce their results, and so anger and quarreling may drive an embattled spouse out of the house (25:24). The quarrelsome wife proverbs symbolize folly, a contrast to the wife who earns her husband’s praise (31:10–31; see the discussion of the identical 21:9).

25:25–26. A pair of similes compare good and bad sources of drinking water to the positive and negative experiences of life. To people who relied on messengers instead of e-mail, good news from a faraway land was like cold water on a parched throat. The news might be of family, or it might be about the success of a king’s army. The word for “cold” is rare; its root is used only six times in the Old Testament, and the only other occurrence in Proverbs associates cool temper with restrained speech (17:27). Both verse 25 and the saying in verse 13 bring together images of cool refreshment with a messenger.

As refreshing as a cold drink can be, it is not always available, however; sometimes the source is contaminated. Verse 26 plays on expectations; one expects a spring to provide drinkable water and one expects the righteous to remain true to character. Ezekiel rebuked both the Egyptian pharaoh and the leaders of Israel for stirring up the water with their feet, making it muddy and unusable (Ezek. 32:2; 34:18). Whether the “righteous man who gives way to the wicked” is a victim or someone who fails to stand for righteousness and protect others (cf. Prov. 24:11), the outcome for those who need the clear water of fair treatment is the same.

Honey and Honor (25:27–28)

TWO PROVERBS ABOUT self-discipline and restraint use metaphors drawn from the field and the city. Honey again is used to recommend moderation (cf. 25:16), but this time in comparison with seeking one’s own honors (lit., “the search of their glory is glory,” or “to seek glory upon glory,” repeating the roots ḥkr and kbd from 25:2).15 If kings find their glory in searching out the matters of wisdom and right rule, so should those who read these sayings, forsaking the quest for honor (25:6–7).16 A person who does not know when to stop eating honey or to refrain from seeking accolades is a person who lacks self-control—not only troublesome to others but also dangerous to self, vulnerable like a city breached by attackers. Self-discipline is self-defense. This teaching on glory and folly continues into the next chapter.

Bridging Contexts

CHAMPIONING RESTRAINT. If anything characterizes this new section of proverbs, it is a riddling quality, each pair or cluster of sayings asking: How is x like y? Metaphors of general experience are applied to particular situations, as “too much of a good thing” is first compared to eating honey and then to visiting and self-promotion.

Sayings about the king and neighbor are also set side by side, the proverbs about neighbors proving that kings can provide good government but they cannot legislate a culture of fairness and concern. The sages never made a false split between personal character and a good society; kings and citizens alike are responsible to “remove the wicked from the king’s presence” (25:5). There are no different sets of ethics for kings, courtiers, and subjects, and the ethical principles laid out here still find a place in our status-seeking and self-serving culture of consumption.17 The sages who brought together these proverbs saw the dangers and recommended the practice of restraint, reflection, and “searching out” matters of wisdom and fairness. In particular, the sayings of this chapter recommend restraint of our tendencies toward self-advancement and of our tendencies to do violence to our neighbor.

(1) A first form of restraint is holding back on self-promotion, neither putting oneself forward in the king’s presence nor gorging on one’s own honors (25:6–7, 27). It is better to wait for the call to move up than to be told to move down, as Jesus made clear in his teaching on banquet seating (Luke 11:45; 14:7–14). The many references to up and down throughout the chapter do more than illustrate the ancients’ understanding of social hierarchies; they remind us that we too are not as democratic and egalitarian as we wish to believe. We are caught up in hierarchy when we wish to be higher or better than another in accomplishments or acquisitions.

Excellence is praiseworthy, but the dangers of competition are always near. Seeking the higher place usually means that someone else has to be put lower (James 2:1–4), whereas taking the lower place lifts up both the neighbor and ourselves (James 4:6–10; cf. Eph. 4:2; 1 Peter 5:6). The sages recommend not only knowing one’s place in the scheme of things but voluntarily taking the lower place by being slow to anger and quick to serve (Prov. 25:21–24). Moreover, they set proverbs about righteousness and humility side by side at the beginning and end of the chapter (25:4–7, 26–27) to remind readers that they are fruits of the same tree (cf. 3:34; 11:2; 15:33). It may be that the association with Hezekiah is intended to remind us of the king who showed off his treasures and struggled with pride (2 Kings 20:12–21; 2 Chron. 32:24–33).

(2) A second form of restraint holds back from doing harm to a neighbor. A number of the sayings call for patience in dealing with rulers and neighbors, waiting and practicing caution. Warnings about anger come in the cautions against hasty lawsuits and disclosures (25:8–10, 18) as well as the sly or “hidden” tongue and quarrels (25:23–24). The proverbs on lawsuits point out the irony that attempts to defame one’s neighbor often bring shame on the witness instead. If the ancients knew how easy it was to speak and act in the heat of anger with neighbors one had to see everyday, how much more are we inclined to act rashly in encounters with those we do not know in supermarkets and on the streets.

Still, these proverbs are about the wrongs done to neighbors, those who count on us to treat them well; failure there is especially hurtful. The sages call for neighbor love and then go one step farther—teaching love for one’s enemy, doing good to one who may have done harm (25:21–22). Jesus continued to teach this tradition of kindness to the enemy, adding that one should settle matters quickly before going to court and that one confront an individual before bringing the matter to the elders and congregation (Matt. 5:43–48, 25–26; 18:15–17; Luke 12:57–59). Therefore, holding back from anger also has an active component of seeking to resolve differences. The practice also heeds earlier sayings about not rejoicing in an enemy’s fall (Prov. 20:22; 24:17–18); if God will judge the wicked, we are relieved of that responsibility.

Persuasive words. In place of lawsuits, the sages recommended persuasion and patience (25:15). The gentle tongue that breaks bones is a sign that words can be effective, even with someone who has more authority and power. Gentle words do more than win someone to a position, they win the other person as well. Force someone to do your will and you will have an enemy; persuade that person and you will have a friend. So false testimony works like a club, a sword, and an arrow, winning the battle and destroying any possibility for relationship (25:18).

The sages compared persuasive words to finely wrought jewelry to speak of their beauty and value. So, for example, Nabal’s wife, Abigail, skillfully spoke and persuaded David against killing her husband when the man returned evil for David’s good. She spoke of Nabal’s folly, the strength of David, and the possibilities for regret. David said to Abigail, “Praise be to the LORD, the God of Israel, who has sent you today to meet me. May you be blessed for your good judgment and for keeping me from bloodshed this day and from avenging myself with my own hands” (1 Sam. 25:32–33). Wise speaking includes holding back troublesome words and speaking those that counsel and persuade. Persuasion sometimes takes the form of a rebuke, wise words that point out what one needs to see but cannot for any number of reasons (Prov. 25:15–16). The one who rebukes is wise, realizing the need for mutual correction. If the listener sees the same need, then that one is wise as well.

To persuade, one must be found credible by the hearer; therefore, a trustworthy messenger is refreshing to a master (25:13), but this aspect of character is woven throughout the sayings. The classical rhetoricians spoke of rhetorical ethos (good sense, good character, and good will) as a necessary third component of persuasion. One needs the finely wrought words of a truthful message and one needs an open listener, but without a speaker who is seen as trustworthy, nothing happens. We are persuaded by speakers we approve of and perceive as honest and competent; we take criticism and correction from those we believe are on our side.

A reputation for trustworthiness comes from reliability and sensitivity, but the absence of these is devastating. If there are some who are nowhere to be found when needed, there are others who come and do exactly the wrong thing (25:19–20). Trust is built by having the good sense to know what is required and the good will to do it. My father would rely on his record when seeking to persuade his friends or me, asking, “Have I ever steered you wrong?” He did not mean that he never made a mistake, only that he could be counted on to give counsel that would help.

In sum, the sayings of the chapter gather around the theme of holding ourselves back from excess consumption, self-advancement, and rash conflict. Holding ourselves back, we can be free to develop qualities of faithfulness, trustworthiness, and charity that do good to neighbor and enemy alike. The practice of restraint—holding back words and actions and moderating our intake of good things—allows us time for reflection so that we, like the kings of old, may search out matters, separating dross from silver and removing self-interest from our lives.

Contemporary Significance

RESTRAINT AND REFLECTION are the sages’ remedies for self-centered and unwise living. On a personal level I know I need to cultivate the habit of pausing to ask whose interests are being served in a particular decision or action. Too often I have found that actions I thought were loving were not seen the same way through another person’s eyes. So also our communities, governments, and churches can also act in self-deceiving ways—all the more reason to consult with those outside our circles for “a word aptly spoken” (25:11).

Knowing when to speak. Opportunities to restrain ourselves from self-promotion are probably the most obvious (25:6–7), but this does not mean that one sits on the sidelines of life, never moving out to share one’s gifts and talents. Instead, we can keep watch for attempts to use our talents (not to mention friends and connections) in competitive and unseemly ways. A friend worked in an office that promised a cash prize to the employee who had the best idea for improving operations. The office staff said they did not want to compete, pooled their ideas into a videotaped skit, and used the money for a victory party. Who walked away the winner?

So also we can be quick to use damaging testimony against another (25:8–10), in and out of court, perhaps to settle a score, perhaps to lift ourselves up by putting another down. Does this mean we should never come forward with what we have seen and heard? Of course not, especially when the common good requires it. But the first step is often bringing a private word of correction to the person who needs it. In other cases, when rebukes are not heard or the danger of repeat offense is too great to risk, charges must become public.

The warning against hasty litigations and slanders is not easily applied to matters of sexual abuse of minors. Careers and lives have been ruined by charges that turned out to be the product of imagination or an attempt at revenge or mischief. However, recent exposures of sexual abuse among clergy and other guardians of public trust have shown that it is possible to err by remaining silent, especially if it is done with the intention of protecting personal or institutional interests. The proverbs’ recommendation to avoid hasty action reminds us to take care to verify charges and examine motives.

Better to have a word like a beautiful ornament than to bring false testimony, make false promises of gifts, or sing false hopes to a heavy heart (25:11–20). If inappropriate words are best withheld, the good words of teaching and correction can be held in temporary reserve, waiting for the right time and right audience. Better to be trustworthy and faithful, bringing refreshment and not pain (25:13, 19). The right word, given at the right time, can be used to teach, uplift, encourage, and even challenge. Having a track record of words and deeds that benefit others opens the way to bring a correcting word, and we know we have established such trust when people ask for our perspective. A friend pays good money to attend a weeklong workshop to improve her musicianship on the string bass. She asks her teachers to be brutally honest, and they are honest, but not without encouragement that she will become a better player.

When our comments are not requested, we can ask permission to share them. I remember a graduate seminar that was particularly rough on a student presenter, and I remember being impressed when another member of the class asked, “Would you like to hear more about this aspect of your paper, or do you have enough to work with?” Granted that it is hard to answer a question like that with “No,” asking it gave attention to the relationship as well as the message. Speakers that have earned the public’s trust can also bring words that inspire and challenge. If Franklin Delano Roosevelt told a nation in desperate economic times that they had nothing to fear but fear itself, Martin Luther King reminded their sons and daughters that his people had suffered hard times throughout American history. The ancient rhetoricians spoke of kairos, the right time to speak a word of encouragement or rebuke.

Self-control. If it is better to hold back harmful words and keep good ones in reserve, it is also better to have the defense of self-control than to lack its discipline and protection. It is better to hold back from seeking honors than to eat too much honey and get sick (25:27–28, 16). In the tradition of the church, gluttony was named one of the seven deadly sins, but gluttony is not the same as overeating. Rather, it is a spiritual problem of isolation, a turn inward that acknowledges no need for God and community. Its excesses reveal that one is eating and drinking alone, with neither thanksgiving nor responsibility. If the blessing of food and drink is most clearly seen in the communion meal that binds us to the Lord and his family the church, then the abuse of that good gift is the kind of eating that takes place without sharing and without receiving the gift of food from the hands of another. According to William S. Stafford:

In gluttony the power of sin comes to focus on food and drink. There is a succession of stories of wrong eating in the Bible, from the fruit in the Garden of Eden, eaten so that the human pair might be “like God,” to the morsel taken by Judas before he went out into the night to betray Jesus. Those stories go to the heart of what the Christian tradition means by sin. Those meals were eaten by human beings who wished to define their identities and purposes by displacing God.18

However, 25:28 reminds us that to lack self-control is to be like a city without walls to protect it from attack. So also, the ancient understanding of gluttony warns us that it is like going into battle alone, a parade example of folly. It helps us understand the problem of excess, and it warns us of the dangers of self-aggrandizement and the isolation it brings. If it is possible to head too often to the neighbor’s house (perhaps for help or a meal?), it is also possible in our days of individually microwaved dinners to foster a false sense of independence and security. The self-reliant person can also turn out to be lonely.

Love for enemies. It may be better to live alone on the corner of the roof than in the house with a quarrelsome wife (or husband, 25:24), but that is not how Yahweh meant it to be. It is better to be able to offer a wise word and to put a curb on one’s own interests. Best of all, say the sages, is the show of kindness that needs no moderation, namely, giving food and drink even to our enemies rather than hoarding it for ourselves. So the one saying in the chapter that speaks of Yahweh’s reward calls us to return good for evil (25:21). What better way to learn to discipline our self-seeking ways than to err on the side of kindness? Certainly Jesus had this in mind when he told his followers to go two miles and turn both sides of the face, although the ways this will work itself out in life are always surprising.

To illustrate the exercise of inexplicable grace in communication, Quentin Schultze tells two true stories. The first is of a couple who lost their son to a drunk driver. Consumed with the desire for revenge, they saw that the young man was prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. However, as they learned more about his life, they began to see that the man had never received the support and care that they had given to their son. Over time, they invited their son’s killer to share meals in their home as an expression of their growing love. The other story concerns a man who lost his son in a gang shooting. When he learned that one of the men convicted for the crime had been sitting in the car, he went before the judge to ask for mercy.19

We may show love for enemies with food and drink or with words of grace and kindness, but in every case, we learn to give and in so doing find what we really need. Restraint, reflection, and proper action—the sayings of this chapter hold out reserve and discernment as crucial for social life and personal character. Like the kings of Proverbs, we too are called to “search out a matter,” that is, to investigate the situations of life to discern truth from falsehood and make responses that are faithful and wise.