Confronting Sin in the Spiritual Family (5:1-2)
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Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather appeal to him as a father, to the younger men as brothers, the older women as mothers, and the younger women as sisters, in all purity. (5:1-2)
The church is described in the New Testament by many metaphors and analogies. First Peter 2:9 calls it a holy nation, emphasizing believers’ common citizenship in the heavenly realm. Revelation 5:10 calls the church a kingdom, emphasizing believers’ common submission to the King of kings and Lord of lords. Peter calls the church a priesthood (1 Peter 2:5,9), emphasizing the privilege all believers have of direct access to God. Our Lord calls the church a vine (John 15:5), emphasizing believers’ common connection to the life of God that enables us to bear fruit. The apostle Paul calls the church a temple (Eph. 2:20-22), built upon the solid foundation of the apostles’ doctrine, with Jesus Christ as the chief cornerstone. First Corinthians 12:12 calls the church a body, emphasizing believers’ common life and dependence on their Head, the Lord Jesus Christ. Hebrews 12:23 calls the church an assembly, emphasizing believers’ common calling to be gathered into the eternal presence of God. First Peter 5:2-3 calls the church a flock, emphasizing believers’ common need to be led and fed by the Great Shepherd.
There is one more metaphor of the church, one that fits the context of this passage. That is the metaphor of the church as a family (cf. Eph. 2:19; 3:15; Gal. 6:10). The word “family” speaks of intimacy, care, openness, and love. Jesus said in John 13:34-35, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” Love is the backbone of the family, and of the church.
Within the framework of believers’ love for each other is a very necessary and often overlooked element: confrontation of sin. In the church, as in the family, disobedience must be dealt with. That is a mark of a loving family. True love cares that others enjoy the blessing of God and prosper spiritually. Because of that, it does not hesitate to confront sin. In this brief passage, Paul covers the important issue of how that is to be done in the Lord’s family.
Timothy was part of the spiritual family located in Ephesus. Some sinning members of that church had abandoned truth and godliness (1:5-6; 2:8). Others had shipwrecked their faith (1:19). Some women had abandoned their proper role and were trying to usurp the function of the men (2:9-15). Some of the men aspiring to leadership were not qualified, so Paul gave the qualifications necessary for elders and deacons (3:1-13; cf. 5:19-22). Others were teaching demonic false doctrines (4:1-5; 6:3-5). Some of the older widows were living impure lives (5:6-7), as were some of the younger ones (5:11-13).
Obviously, the condition of the spiritual family in Ephesus called for some correction. Sin needed to be dealt with because it disrupts the intimacy in a family. Further, that intimacy allows sin to spread through the members of a family like the disease that it is. As Paul cautioned the Corinthians in dealing with their sinning members,
Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump of dough? Clean out the old leaven, that you may be a new lump…I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with immoral people; I did not mean with the immoral people of this world … but… with any so-called brother if he should be an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler…Remove the wicked man from among yourselves. (1 Cor. 5:6-7,9-10, 11, 13)
Timothy already knew the importance of discipline, so Paul does not stress it in this passage. In 2 Samuel 7:14 God said of David’s descendant, “I will be a father to him and he will be a son to Me; when he commits iniquity, I will correct him with the rod of men and the strokes of the sons of men.” Job 5:17 says of God’s discipline, “Behold, how happy is the man whom God reproves, so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.” Proverbs says much about discipline. It leads to understanding (Prov. 15:32), knowledge (19:25), wisdom (15:31; 29:15), honor (13:18), and a happy life (6:23). God laments to Israel in Jeremiah 44:4-5, “I sent you all My servants the prophets, again and again, saying, ‘Oh, do not do this abominable thing which I hate.’ But they did not listen or incline their ears to turn from their wickedness, so as not to burn sacrifices to other gods.”
Perhaps the most definitive passage on the importance of discipline in the church family is found in Matthew 18:15-18:
And if your brother sins, go and reprove him in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. And if he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax-gatherer.
It was part of Timothy’s role as a leader in the church to confront sin. Sin should be confronted fearlessly. Ezekiel 2:3-6 says,
Then He said to me, “Son of man, I am sending you to the sons of Israel, to a rebellious people who have rebelled against Me; they and their fathers have transgressed against Me to this very day. And I am sending you to them who are stubborn and obstinate children; and you shall say to them, Thus says the Lord God.’ As for them, whether they listen or not—for they are a rebellious house—they will know that a prophet has been among them. And you, son of man, neither fear them nor fear their words, though thistles and thorns are with you and you sit on scorpions; neither fear their words nor be dismayed at their presence, for they are a rebellious house.”
Sin should also be confronted authoritatively. In Titus 2:15 Paul commanded Titus, “These things speak and exhort and reprove with all authority. Let no one disregard you.” Such rebukes may need to be severe (Titus 1:13). Finally, rebuking of sin must be done with “great patience” (2 Tim. 4:2).
CONFRONTING IN LOVE
Do not sharply rebuke … but rather appeal (5:1a)
Two verbs govern this passage. The first, epiplessō (sharply rebuke), is a strong term. It refers to harsh or violent rebuke. It appears only here in the New Testament, though a related word appears in 3:3, where it describes an elder as one not given to physical violence. Here verbal rather than physical violence is prohibited. A sinning Christian is not to be hammered with harsh words. That is foreign to family love. Parakaleō (appeal) can mean “to encourage, admonish, entreat, or appeal.” It could perhaps best be translated “strengthen,” and has the idea of coming alongside to hold up one who is weak. The related word paraklōtos is a title of the Holy Spirit (cf. John 14:16, 26; 15:26; 16:7). The Scriptures are also a source of strength (cf. Rom. 15:4). As the Word of God and the Spirit of God strengthen believers, so must we come to their aid when they sin. Galatians 6:1-2 addresses this duty by saying, “Brethren, even if a man is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ.”
Confronting sin in the church is not to be done by violently attacking fallen brothers and sisters. Rather, sinning saints must be lovingly confronted, strengthened, and encouraged toward holy living. It is to be a restorative, redemptive, remedial confrontation, one that must be done with an attitude of gentleness (cf. 2 Tim. 2:24-25).
Having set forth in general the principle for dealing with sin in the family, Paul applies it to four groups: older men, younger men, older women, and younger women.
CONFRONTING OLDER MEN
an older man … as a father,(5:1b)
An older man is to be treated with respect by being appealed to as a father. Presbuteros (older man) is not used here to speak of the office of elder (as in 5:17 and 19). The context indicates that Paul has in mind the general category of older men. As a young man, Timothy was to confront sinning older men with the same respect and deference he would show his own father.
The Bible makes it quite clear that older men are to be treated with respect. Leviticus 19:32 commands, “You shall rise up before the grayheaded, and honor the aged.” Proverbs 16:31 says that “a gray head is a crown of glory” (cf. Prov. 20:29; Job 32:4, 6). Respect for one’s father is also commanded in Scripture. Proverbs 4:1-4 reads,
Hear, O sons, the instruction of a father, and give attention that you may gain understanding, for I give you sound teaching; do not abandon my instruction. When I was a son to my father, tender and the only son in the sight of my mother, then he taught me and said to me, “Let your heart hold fast my words; keep my commandments and live.”
Proverbs 30:17 warns in graphic terms of the consequences of not showing that respect: “The eye that mocks a father, and scorns a mother, the ravens of the valley will pick it out, and the young eagles will eat it.” Disobedience to one’s father in the Old Testament could even result in death: “He who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death” (Ex. 21:17). The same respect shown to one’s father must be shown when rebuking any older man.
Although not involving a family situation, Daniel’s rebuke of Nebuchadnezzar is a model of how to approach a sinning older man. In Daniel 4:27, Daniel showed great respect when confronting Nebuchadnezzar’s sin: “Therefore, O king, may my advice be pleasing to you: break away now from your sins by doing righteousness, and from your iniquities by showing mercy to the poor, in case there may be a prolonging of your prosperity.”
Another illustration is found in Paul’s rebuke of Peter in Galatians 2:11-14:
But when Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood condemned. For prior to the coming of certain men from James, he used to eat with the Gentiles; but when they came, he began to withdraw and hold himself aloof, fearing the party of the circumcision. And the rest of the Jews joined him in hypocrisy, with the result that even Barnabas was carried away by their hypocrisy. But when I saw that they were not straightforward about the truth of the gospel, I said to Cephas in the presence of all, “If you, being a Jew, live like the Gentiles and not like the Jews, how is it that you compel the Gentiles to live like Jews?”
While he confronted Peter for his wrongdoing, Paul nevertheless did so with respect and deference. He didn’t make an accusatory declaration, but gently asked him a question.
Confronting anyone in sin with gentleness is the responsibility of every believer. When that sinning brother is an older man, however, it must be done with special respect.
CONFRONTING YOUNGER MEN
to the younger men as brothers,(5:1c)
The key word for confronting younger men is to treat them as brothers. Viewing them as brothers assumes no air of superiority; that term implies the absence of any hierarchy. In the Old Testament, the Israelites were forbidden to hate their brothers. Leviticus 19:17 says, “You shall not hate your fellow countryman in your heart; you may surely reprove your neighbor, but shall not incur sin because of him.” Such love and humility was exhibited in Joseph’s attitude toward his brothers despite their evil treatment of him (cf. Gen. 45:4ff.; 50:15ff.).
The New Testament also commands believers to love each other as brothers. The apostle John wrote,
The one who says he is in the light and yet hates his brother is in the darkness until now. The one who loves his brother abides in the light and there is no cause for stumbling in him. But the one who hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going because the darkness has blinded his eyes. (1 John 2:9-11; cf. 3:11-15)
Peter exhorted believers to “love the brotherhood” (1 Peter 2:17), as did Paul: “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love” (Rom. 12:10). The writer of Hebrews also commands believers to love each other: “Let love of the brethren continue” (Heb. 13:1).
Such love does not preclude confrontation for sin. As already noted, our Lord commanded such rebukes in Matthew 18:15: “And if your brother sins, go and reprove him.” In Luke 17:3 He said, “If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.” As noted earlier, Paul wrote in Galatians 6:1 concerning Christian brothers caught in a trespass. To the Thessalonians he wrote,
Now we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you keep aloof from every brother who leads an unruly life and not according to the tradition which you received from us…And if anyone does not obey our instruction in this letter, take special note of that man and do not associate with him, so that he may be put to shame. And yet do not regard him as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother. (2 Thess. 3:6, 14-15)
As the above verses indicate, brotherly confrontations are to be done in humility and love. That is the spirit to be present when confronting a younger man.
CONFRONTING OLDER WOMEN
the older women as mothers,(5:2a)
Older women are to be treated gently, as mothers. The Bible commands respect for mothers. Exodus 20:12 says, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you” (cf. Deut. 5:16). Proverbs also stresses the importance of honoring mothers: “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and do not forsake your mother’s teaching” (1:8); “My son, observe the commandment of your father, and do not forsake the teaching of your mother” (6:20); “Listen to your father who begot you, and do not despise your mother when she is old” (23:22).
The apostle Paul furnishes us with an example of how to treat older women. In Philippians 4:1-3, he gave advice on how to deal with two women who were causing trouble at Philippi:
Therefore, my beloved brethren whom I long to see, my joy and crown, so stand firm in the Lord, my beloved. I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to live in harmony in the Lord. Indeed, true comrade, I ask you also to help these women who have shared my struggle in the cause of the gospel, together with Clement also, and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.
Even though those two women were harming the cause of Christ in Philippi, Paul nevertheless responded to their harm in a gracious, gentle manner. While rebuking them, he included them among the brethren that he loved. He also noted their service to him in the cause of the gospel. Paul lovingly treated them as he would his own mother.
CONFRONTING YOUNGER WOMEN
the younger women as sisters, in all purity. (5:2b)
Scripture is clear that the purity of younger women is to be protected. Incest was strictly forbidden by the Old Testament law (cf. Lev. 18:9-18; 20:17-19; Deut. 27:22). By commanding Timothy to treat the younger women as sisters, Paul stresses that he must be indifferent to them in terms of lust. There are few things as evil as a pastor who sins mentally or physically with a young woman he had been helping spiritually. That is nothing less than incest in the spiritual family. For that reason, Paul adds the phrase in all purity.
Nothing so easily makes or breaks a young pastor as his conduct with women. Thoughtlessness or indiscretion, as well as outright immorality, violate his calling to lead the flock to purity. Younger women must be confronted with their sin and encouraged to godliness. They must, however, never be led into sin, but be treated as beloved spiritual sisters whose purity is the highest consideration.
The book of Proverbs gives some very practical advice on how to maintain purity in relationships with younger women.
First, avoid the look. Proverbs 6:25 says, “Do not … let her catch you with her eyelids.” Our commitment must be that of Job: “I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin” (Job 31:1)?
Second, avoid the flattery. Proverbs 5:3 warns, “For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and smoother than oil is her speech” (cf. 2:16; 6:24; 22:14).
Third, avoid the thoughts. Proverbs 6:25 says, “Do not desire her beauty in your heart.”
Fourth, avoid the rendezvous. Proverbs 7 gives the following account of the naive youth:
I saw among the naive, I discerned among the youths, a young man lacking sense, passing through the street near her corner; and he takes the way to her house, in the twilight, in the evening, in the middle of the night and in the darkness. And behold, a woman comes to meet him, dressed as a harlot and cunning of heart. She is boisterous and rebellious; her feet do not remain at home; she is now in the streets, now in the squares, and lurks by every corner, (w. 7-12)
Great care must be taken when meeting with younger women.
Fifth, avoid the house. Proverbs 7:25-27 warns “Do not let your heart turn aside to her ways, do not stray into her paths. For many are the victims she has cast down, and numerous are all her slain. Her house is the way to Sheol, descending to the chambers of death” (cf. Prov. 5:8).
Finally, avoid the touch. Proverbs 7:13 records the result of the naive youth’s failure to avoid the rendezvous: “So she seizes him and kisses him.” That was the next step in a process that culminated in immorality.
It is a necessary part of ministry to deal with the sins of older men, younger men, older women, and younger women. In the corrective process, each of those groups must be treated in the proper way. Paul’s instructions to Timothy send a clear message to all believers on how to confront sin in the spiritual family.