The Care of Widows  in the Church—part 2  The Ministry of  Widows to the Church (5:9-16)

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Let a widow be put on the list only if she is not less than sixty years old, having been the wife of one man, having a reputation for good works; and if she has brought up children, if she has shown hospitality to strangers, if she has washed the saints’ feet, if she has assisted those in distress, and if she has devoted herself to every good work. But refuse to put younger widows on the list, for when they feel sensual desires in disregard of Christ, they want to get married, thus incurring condemnation, because they have set aside their previous pledge. And at the same time they also learn to be idle, as they go around from house to house; and not merely idle, but also gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention. Therefore, I want younger widows to get married, bear children, keep house, and give the enemy no occasion for reproach; for some have already turned aside to follow Satan. If any woman who is a believer has dependent widows, let her assist them, and let not the church be burdened, so that it may assist those who are widows indeed. (5:9-16)

The church has an obligation to support those widows in its midst who are in need. Doing so reflects the compassionate heart of God toward those women bereft of their husbands.

Far from being a liability for the church, however, the older widows are a valuable asset. They have a wealth of wisdom and experience to share with younger women. They also have the time to participate in a wide range of ministries. Having discussed the church’s ministry toward true widows inverses 3-8, Paul gives guidelines inverses 9-16 for the widows’ ministry to the church.

THE OBLIGATION OF THE CHURCH TO MAINTAIN HIGH STANDARDS FOR WIDOWS WHO SERVE IN THE CHURCH

Let a widow be put on the list only if she is not less than sixty years old, having been the wife of one man, having a reputation for good works; and if she has brought up children, if she has shown hospitality to strangers, if she has washed the saints’ feet, if she has assisted those in distress, and if she has devoted herself to every good work. (5:9-10)

In the early church there were groups of widows who served in some officially recognized capacity. The requirements for being put on the list, reminiscent of those for church leaders given in chapter 3, make that evident. This godly group of women had a spiritual and practical ministry directly to the women and children of the church. They also ministered indirectly to the men by virtue of their influence on the women. They fulfilled Paul’s injunction in Titus 2:3-5 that

Their duties surely included helping with the baptism of women, visiting the sick, visiting prisoners, teaching and discipling younger women, helping younger women rear and nurture their children, and providing hospitality for visitors and strangers. They may have also assisted in placing orphans into proper Christian homes. That was a very important ministry in the Roman world, since orphaned or abandoned children wound up as slaves, and often as prostitutes or gladiators. With their own husbands gone and their children grown, those widows had the time to pursue such essential ministries.

That such a group of widows existed in the early church is known from extrabiblical sources. In the late first and early second centuries, Ignatius and Polycarp wrote of such an order. Tertullian, who lived in the latter part of the second and early part of the third centuries, also mentioned it. The third-century document known as the Didascalia, and the fourth-century Apostolic Constitutions also refer to an order of widows.

There is no evidence that all the widows on the list were supported by the church. Some no doubt were, while others had resources of their own. The issue of support stops at verse 8, and Paul moves to a new topic in verse 9. The list Paul refers to was not, as some have argued, the list of those widows eligible for support. Rather, it was the list of those eligible for ministry. In verses 9-10 Paul gives the requirements for being on the list.

First, a widow had to be not less than sixty years old. That requirement offers further proof that the list of widows was not a list of those eligible to receive support. Paul had just stated in verses 3-8 that the church is to support all its widows who are without other means of support. No age requirement was given there.

Sixty was the age in that culture for people to retire from their activities to a life of contemplation. It was at that age that men and women should become priests and priestesses, according to Plato (William Barclay, The Letters to Timothy, Titus, and Philemon [Philadelphia: Westminster, 1975], 109). It was acknowledged that sexual passion began to wane at age sixty. Thus, the age requirement ensures that those widows would not be driven by desire. An older woman would have the time, maturity, character, reputation, and compassion to serve the Lord and the church. Unlike a younger woman, she would not be tempted to abandon her commitment to the Lord and remarry.

Second, a widow must have been the wife of one man. The Greek text literally reads “a one-man woman,” a construction parallel to that of 3:2 and 12. That does not exclude women who have been married more than once. Paul himself commands younger widows to remarry (v. 14; cf. 1 Cor. 7:39), so that cannot be his intent here. A “one-man woman” is a woman who was totally devoted to her husband. It speaks of purity in action and attitude, as in the case of the overseer in 3:2, who is to be a “one-woman man;” it does not refer to marital status. Such a woman lived in complete fidelity to her husband in a chaste, pure, unspotted marriage relationship. A widow who did not measure up to this standard would not be a proper role model for the younger women to emulate.

Third, a widow had to have a reputation for good works. Her excellent character was to be common knowledge. Like the elders (3:2) and deacons (3:10), she had to be above reproach. Her good works would attest to the kind of woman she was. They would manifest outwardly the quality of her spiritual character.

Paul goes on to further define the nature of a reputation for good works. The five qualities he lists show the type of good works required of any woman. All women should seek to be of such spiritual virtue as to be put on the list to serve the church should they become widows.

First, she must be one who has brought up children. Teknotropheō (brought up children) appears only here in the New Testament. It means to nourish children. This quality views the godly widow as a Christian mother, rearing children in a godly home to follow the Lord. To do so is a woman’s greatest privilege and responsibility (cf. 2:15).

Paul does not here depreciate women who were unable to have children, or who had the gift of singleness. Such fulfill different roles in the life of the family of God. Since having children was the norm, however, he gives this as a general principle. A woman with no natural children of her own could manifest this quality by rearing orphans. Only a woman with such experience could instruct younger women on how to rear godly children (cf. Titus 2:3-5).

Second, she must be one who has shown hospitality to strangers. Like the elders, she must be devoted to hospitality (cf. 3:2). Her home must be open to strangers, as well as friends and relatives. She must show sacrificial devotion to the needs of people she does not know. There were no motels or hotels in the ancient world, and inns were often filthy and dangerous. Christians away from home depended on the hospitality of other believers. Paul commended Phoebe as a “helper of many, and of myself as well” (Rom. 16:2). No doubt one of the ways she helped others was by opening her home to those in need of shelter and food.

This offers further evidence that the list Paul speaks of was not one of destitute widows in need of support. Such women would hardly have been able to open their homes to provide for others.

Third, she must be one who has washed the saints’ feet. That menial task was the duty of slaves. Since the roads were either dusty or muddy, guests entering a house had their feet washed. Paul does not necessarily mean that she actually did that herself each time. The menial task of washing the feet spoke metaphorically of humility (cf. John 13:5-17). The requirement, then, stresses that a widow have a humble, servant’s heart. She gives her life in lowly service to those in need and never seeks to exalt herself.

Fourth, she must be one who has assisted those in distress.

Those in distress is from thlibō, and could be translated “those under pressure.” She devotes her life to helping those under any sort of pressure, whether physical, mental, or emotional. Eparkeō (has assisted) appears only here and in verse 16. In the latter verse, it clearly refers to financial assistance. A godly widow also assists others with her financial resources.

Fifth, she must be one who has devoted herself to every good work. Epakoloutheō (has devoted herself to) is a strong verb. It describes the widow who has energetically and diligently given herself to the pursuit of good deeds (cf. Acts 9:36).

Because all those qualities describe the character of a widow qualified to serve the church, they must also be recognized as the standards for every Christian woman to follow in her life. Should the day come when she is considered for service in the church, she will then be qualified. In the mean time, she will gain a reputation as a woman of excellence (cf. Prov. 31:10-31).

The qualities Paul gives illustrate God’s design for women. They are a woman’s highest priorities. By following them, she can make a profound impact on the world. That truth is illustrated in a story told by the Scottish preacher Ian MacClaren of a woman in his church.

As they were talking, she began to wipe her eyes with the corner of her apron, so Dr. MacClaren said, “What’s disturbing you?”

“Oh,” she said, “Sometimes I feel I have done so little and when I think about it it makes my heart heavy, because really I’ve done so little for Jesus.”

“When I was a wee girl the Lord spoke to my heart and I surrendered to Him. And I wanted to live for Him, oh so much. But I feel I haven’t done anything.”

“What have you done with your life?” he asked.

“Oh nothing,” she said, “just nothing. I’ve washed dishes, cooked three meals a day, taken care of my children, mopped the floor, mended the clothes, you know, everything a mother does, that’s all I’ve done.”

MacClaren sat back in his chair and asked, “Where are your boys?”

“Oh, she spoke, “You know I named them all for the gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. You know them all and you know where Mark is. You ordained him. He went to China. He’s learned the language and now he is able to minister to the people in the name of the Lord.”

“Where’s Luke?” MacClaren said.

“You know well enough where he is because you sent him out and I had a letter from him the other day. He is in Africa and says a revival has broken out at his mission station.”

“And Matthew?” he queried.

“He’s with his brother in China and they are working together. And John, who’s nineteen, came to me last night to say God has laid Africa on his heart. He said, ‘I’m going to Africa, but don’t worry about it, Mother, because the Lord has shown me that I am to stay with you until you go home to glory, and then I’ll go. Until then I have to take care of you.”

MacClaren looked at that elderly saint and said, “Your life has been wasted, you say?”

“Yes, it has been wasted.”

“You have been cooking and mopping and washing—but I would like to see the reward when you are called home!”

THE OBLIGATION OF THE CHURCH TO INSTRUCT YOUNGER WIDOWS TO REMARRY

But refuse to put younger widows on the list, for when they feel sensual desires in disregard of Christ, they want to get married, thus incurring condemnation, because they have set aside their previous pledge. And at the same time they also learn to be idle, as they go around from house to house; and not merely idle, but also gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention. Therefore, I want younger widows to get married, bear children, keep house, and give the enemy no occasion for reproach; for some have already turned aside to follow Satan. (5:11-15)

While qualified older widows are to permanently devote themselves to the service of the church, the plan for younger widows is very different. They are to get married, and the church has an obligation to encourage them to do just that. While they must be given aid if it is needed until they remarry, Paul commands Timothy to refuse to put younger widows on the list of those who serve the church. They are not to be admitted to the order of widows Paul mentions in verses 9-10.

Paraiteomai (refuse) is a strong word, expressing adamancy. It is used in 4:7 to speak of rejecting false teaching. Paul gives two reasons for his prohibition against putting younger widows on the list:

First, their service to the church would not be single minded and their loyalty could waver because when they feel sensual desires in disregard of Christ, they want to get married. Paul’s concern is that a young widow, out of sorrow for the loss of her husband and gratitude to the church for its support, will make a vow she cannot keep. She will devote herself to remain single and to serve the Lord. According to Numbers 30:9, she will be obligated to keep that vow. Unlike the older women, however, she might eventually begin to feel sensual desires. She would then find it difficult to keep the vow she made during the emotional trauma of the loss of her husband. In keeping with those sensual desires, which include not merely sexual passion but all that is embodied in the marriage relationship, she would want to get married.

Breaking her vow would place her in disregard of Christ. Katastrōniao (feel sensual desires in disregard of) appears only here in the New Testament. In extrabiblical literature, it is used to describe an ox trying to escape from its yoke. There is danger that a young widow might desire to escape from her vow of singular devotion to serve only the Lord.

The disastrous consequences of a woman on the list of widows being in that position are readily apparent. While ostensibly a model of spiritual virtue, she could actually become resentful, even hostile toward God. At best, she would be unfulfilled, unhappy, miserable, and unable to teach other women godly virtue. Worse still, her strong desire for a husband would leave her vulnerable. That vulnerability would only be heightened by her ministry to the church’s families. She might even be tempted to go after someone else’s husband. To Paul it was unthinkable that such a dangerous situation should be allowed to occur.

Such unfaithfulness to a vow has serious repercussions. Younger widows risk incurring condemnation. God will chasten them because they have set aside their previous pledge. Pistis (pledge) is the normal New Testament word for faith. In classical Greek, however, it can mean pledge. If understood in the sense of faith, Paul would be saying they have abandoned their original commitment to Christ. That commitment, made at salvation, was to love, obey, and serve Him. If translated pledge, it would be referring to the specific covenant made when placed on the list of widows. That pledge would have been to devote her life to the service of the Lord.

A second reason younger widows are not to be on the list is their lack of maturity: At the same time they also learn to be idle. The Greek idiom means “they qualify as idlers.” Visits once carried out for the purpose of ministry are now occasions for idleness, as they go around from house to house. Nothing constructive takes place and, at best, trivial activity occupies her.

Worse, the potential is present for destructive behavior to take place. These women may become not merely idle, but also gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention. Gossips speak nonsense, talk idly, make empty charges, or accuse with malicious words. Busybodies is from periergos, which literally means “one who moves around.” The implication is one who sticks his nose into other peoples’ business. Such people pry into things that do not concern them. In the only other New Testament use of periergos, the word refers to practicing magic. People who do that are also guilty of prying into things that do not concern them.

The bottom of the downward spiral is talking about things not proper to mention. Proverbs warns against doing that: “He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy conceals a matter” (Prov. 11:13). “For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, contention quiets down” (Prov. 26:20). “A perverse man spreads strife, and a slanderer separates intimate friends” (Prov. 16:28). “He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, therefore do not associate with a gossip” (Prov. 20:19). Those widows doing that were guilty of spreading slander instead of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Some may have even been spreading false teaching (cf. 2:11-13).

It takes serious-minded, mature, godly women to minister in homes to women and families. The secrets and problems of those families would be safe with them. For those reasons, as well as the danger that they will abandon their commitments to Christ, Paul forbids younger women to be put on the list.

Therefore, Paul writes, I want younger widows to get married. Boulomai (I want) is the will of desire springing from reason, not emotion. In this passage, it carries the force of a command. Jewish custom encouraged women who lost their husbands legitimately to remarry. The Scriptures also teach that a woman whose husband has died, or who is the innocent party in a divorce, has the right to remarry. Paul wrote in Romans 7:3, “So then if, while her husband is living, she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress, though she is joined to another man.” To the Corinthians he wrote, “If the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace” (1 Cor. 7:15), and, “A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:39).

In Matthew 5:31-32 our Lord said, “And it was said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of dismissal’; but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the cause of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (cf. Matt. 19:7-9). Paul is not giving a concession, but a command. Those who argue against remarriage will find no support in this passage. It is God’s design for young women who lose their husbands to remarry. That protects them from living a life of singleness, their strong desire for marriage and longing to raise children make them ill suited for. It also protects them from seeking solace in improper relationships. But most importantly, it recognizes that a woman’s highest calling is to the home. To argue that the Bible permits divorce but not remarriage raises some difficult questions. What will these women do, if they are barred from their God-designed roles as wives and mothers? Certainly all of them would not have the gift of singleness. How could the church possibly care for all of them? That would be a burden God never intended the church to bear. How could they fulfill the requirements for being included on the list? How could they prove to be one-man women if they had no husband? Younger widows, then, are to get married.

Paul describes the responsibilities of a widow who remarries as to bear children and keep house. Teknogoneo (bear children) means to have babies (cf. 2:15), indicating the widows Paul refers to were generally of childbearing age. The contemporary view that children are an inconvenience that cramp one’s lifestyle is repulsive to the Lord. On the contrary, the Bible calls children “a gift of the Lord” (Ps. 127:3), and declares “How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them” (Ps. 127:5). Although a young widow may have lost her husband, she still has the high calling and blessed privilege of bearing children. To do that requires her to remarry.

Keep house is from oikodespoteo. It goes beyond raising the children to include all aspects of managing the household. The man provides the resources through his labor, and the woman manages them for the care of her husband and children.

By remarrying and resuming her role in the home, she would give the enemy no occasion for reproach. The enemy is not Satan specifically, but encompasses any opponent of the Word of God. Satan, though the ultimate enemy, attacks through human agents. Aphormo (occasion) refers to a launching point for an attack, or a base of operations. By remarrying and raising a family, a young widow will avoid bringing reproach on the cause of Christ. She will avoid falling into some sexual sin or some perversion of God’s intended role for women consistent with her calling as described in verse 10. On the other hand, those who violate God’s purposes give ammunition to the enemies of the church.

Paul’s warning to the Ephesian church was timely, since, tragically, some had already turned aside to follow Satan. Some of the younger widows had abandoned their vows to Christ. Having forsaken their true calling to have children and manage the home, they had given themselves to various sins (cf. 2 Tim. 3:6). Some were no doubt following false teachers, and even helping to spread false doctrine themselves. Some may have married unbelievers, and thus brought shame to the church. They were no longer serving Christ, but Satan. For that reason, Paul’s command that the younger widows remarry was all the more urgent.

THE OBLIGATION OF THE CHURCH TO MAKE SURE THAT CAPABLE WOMEN SUPPORT THEIR WIDOWS

If any woman who is a believer has dependent widows, let her assist them, and let not the church be burdened, so that it may assist those who are widows indeed. (5:16)

Paul brings his argument full circle and restates the truth he has already taught in verses 4 and 8. When no men are available, any woman who is a believer must care for her dependent widows. She must not ignore their needs, but must assist them if she is able. A widow’s children and grandchildren have the primary responsibility for her care. Then come her male relatives, and after that her female relatives. Only when such people are unavailable or unable to help does the task fall to the church.

When families take care of their needy widows, the church is not burdened. It is then free to assist those who are widows indeed. Once again, Paul brings his argument full circle (cf. v. 3). Only those widows with no other means of support should be cared for by the church at large.

Helping widows brings the promise of blessing from God. Deuteronomy 14:29 says, “the alien, the orphan and the widow who are in your town, shall come and eat and be satisfied, in order that the Lord your God may bless you in all the work of your hand which you do.” On the other hand, failing to do so brings judgment: “Cursed is he who distorts the justice due an alien, orphan, and widow” (Deut. 27:19). God’s special love and care for widows must be reflected in the actions of His people.