Original Meaning
ALTHOUGH THE INDIVIDUAL sayings of this chapter seem to have little in common as compared with the arrangement of the previous chapter, some central themes emerge upon a second look. The picture here works a bit like the “magic eye” illusions: If one looks straight at the details of the design, little else appears, but if one steps back a bit and lets the details merge, a larger image takes shape. Running through a melange of sayings about families (households) and larger communities are the twin themes of strife and unity. Proverbs about speech habits like gossip and quarreling are intertwined with proverbs about handling money (bribes and pledges) to show their connection with wisdom’s goals of justice and harmony.
The chapter begins with situations of humble status and means (17:1–2) and ends with recommendations to keep words few (17:27–28). The implicit “less is more” philosophy of these sayings urges us to match moderation in speech and acquisition with extravagant generosity and faithfulness. While it is possible to hoard one’s goods and sin against those who have little, there is no possibility of spending too much on righteousness, justice, and uprightness (cf. 1:3).
The Yahweh sayings at 17:3 and 15 divide the chapter in two, each half concluding with sayings about restraint (17:14, 27–28) and right judgment (17:15, 26). A number of sayings in the second half repeat themes begun in the first, often with the same vocabulary (“bribe” in 17:8, 23; “ruler/official” [nadib] in 17:7, 26; “love” in 17:9, 17). The satires on the fool, some in clusters,1 crystallize what is said in the other sayings, providing clues for reading the proverbs that follow.
Yahweh, Watching and Testing (17:1–15)
Households, sons, and brothers (17:1–6)
Eloquent fools and lying rulers (17:7–11)
Dangers of fools and folly (17:12–15)
Wisdom, Always Close at Hand (17:16–28)
Fools and money, brothers and friends (17:16–20)
Suffering fools in secret (17:21–24)
Fools thought wise when silent (17:25–28)
The fool brings grief to parents and danger to the community; thus, the chapter also shows movement from household sayings (17:1–6), to community sayings (17:7–20), to a mixture of both (17:21–28).
Households, Sons, and Brothers (17:1–6)
WHILE THE CONNECTIONS between verses 1–6 are not immediately apparent, the family setting of verses 1–2 and verse 6 provide the context for the middle sayings about attitude.
17:1. The main contrast of a dry crust2 with feasting is qualified by the accompanying quiet versus “strife.” As in other “better than” sayings (e.g., 15:16–17; 16:8), the qualities of a loving home, peace, and quiet are set above material gains. Note that the saying does not pit poverty against wealth but rather sets each in a context, concluding that the emotional costs of strife may even be greater than the wealth one gains. “Feasting,” as the NIV text note indicates, is (lit.) “sacrifices,” presumably the šalom offering, which promoted good relationships through sharing.3 The irony is plain: If the goal of harmony is not met, what good is a sumptuous table?
17:2. Like verse 1, this saying is also about life in a household, so it might be paraphrased, “Better a wise servant than a shameful son.” Status, like material prosperity, means little if it is not matched by wise character. Servants and sons alike can be shameful (10:5; 14:35), and in this saying neither is privileged. “Rule” links this saying with 16:32 (mšl, “controls”). On dividing inheritance, see Deuteronomy 21:17; on slaves inheriting wealth, Genesis 15:2–3.
17:3. “Tests” here is set in parallel to the crucible and furnace that removes impurities and tempers the metal, naming “the LORD” as tester and the heart as tested. The Hebrew saves “the LORD” for last, creating a chiastic pattern that enhances the sense of suspense and climax.4 In 27:21, a person is tested by praise; while not stressful, such a test does reveal one’s true colors. If there are no precious metals, the crucible will show it; if there are no characteristics of wise character, the test will show that also.5
17:4. Two parallel descriptions of a wicked listener demonstrate a lack of testing (cf. 17:3). It is ironic that one who lies can be taken in by the same sort of deception in others. A good heart will discern, but evil persons will accept anything as long as it is in line with their own purposes. The pungent metaphors of evil lips and malicious tongue suggest that you can tell how someone will speak by noting what he or she chooses to listen to. In other words, if a person finds gossip delicious, it’s a good bet that such an individual will spread it just as quickly. Kidner paraphrases, “Evil words die without a welcome.”6
17:5. Evil lips are at work when the poor are ridiculed or someone’s misfortune becomes an occasion to “gloat” (lit., “rejoice”). Is this one of the wicked messages that verse 4 has in mind? Attitude is an action waiting to happen, and so the way we view others determines the way we will treat them. Perhaps it is the attitude of pride in one’s own merits that offends Yahweh and will not go unpunished (16:5; cf. 14:31; 22:2; 29:13).7 Even as Yahweh identifies himself with the poor, Jesus said that what we do to the least, we do for him (Matt. 25:40).
17:6. This saying repeats the Hebrew words for “crown” and “splendor” from 16:31. The recycling of images is a common literary technique in Proverbs, and here the signs of age and righteousness are used to describe the potential joys of family life, a reversal of the images of family disappointment (cf. 17:1–2). Long life and the blessing of children are universally desired (Ps. 127:3–5), and so the surprise of the proverb comes in the pride children take in their parents. Perhaps an encouragement to set a wise example is implied in this statement of the ideal.
Eloquent Fools and Lying Rulers (17:7–11)
A SATIRE ON the fool heads up this section (17:7), the first of a number that are scattered throughout the chapter (17:10, 12, 16, 21, 24, 25, 28).
17:7. The ruler’s obligation to be honorable is here made vivid by comparison with the fool’s arrogant speech. The saying is difficult to translate, primarily because the word for “arrogant” or “eloquent” (see NIV text note) means “remaining” or “excessive.”8 Some follow the NIV note and translate “fine words” (e.g., NRSV), while others follow the LXX (pista, “faithful”) and translate “honest.”9 Honest lips are a fitting counterpart to lying, but Proverbs do not always use strict parallels in making comparisons. Here the point of comparison is what is “unsuited” or not fitting, and so the picture of an empty head trying to speak to things he knows nothing about seems more consistent with the satires on the fool.
In either case, the climax in the saying comes with the “how much more”; it is even worse to find lying lips with a leader or noble (although it happens more often than we would wish!). The wordplay on “fool” (nabal; cf. 1 Sam. 25:5) and “ruler” (or “noble,” nadib; cf. Prov. 19:6; 25:7) also appears in Isaiah 32:5: “No longer will the fool be called noble nor the scoundrel be highly respected.”
17:8. Just as the noble should not lie, neither should a judge or any other authority be vulnerable to a “bribe.” In making an observation about life, the bribe (lit., a “stone of favor”) is likened to magic, so effective are its powers. The saying is descriptive and does not commend the practice of paying bribes, so here perhaps is another satire, something like the folly of the magician’s apprentice. If this power should come to hand, it is bound to be misused and bring disaster. The Hebrew word for “succeeds” (śkl) in other contexts means “understanding,” “discerning,” or even “wise” (17:2; cf. 16:22–23).
17:9. It may be that the theme of misuse or overdoing a matter continues from verse 8. Here the comparison between one who forgets a transgression (cf. 10:12) and one who keeps bringing it up or repeats it to others (cf. 10:18) makes a common observation about friendship and families. “Separates close friends” uses the same Hebrew as 16:28. Is this tale-bearing another form of perverse speech? The observation leads to the general truth that it is better to forgive and forget.
17:10. While it is usually wise to let an offense go rather than to dwell on it, this saying holds up the value of a loving rebuke. One can confront a wise person and expect a change in behavior, but not from the fool, for whom a hundred blows are not persuasive enough. While beatings were a common part of educational practice in the ancient world, this contrast between the effective force of words and a beating should be kept in mind when reading the sayings that seem to advocate corporal punishment.10 The point here is that blows won’t work if words won’t.
17:11. While some will receive a rebuke, others will not and just keep going headlong into evil. The use of physical force in this case is not corrective but restraining. It keeps the evil person from doing more harm. “Rebellion” implies service to a lord or king, and this evil person “seeks” rebellion rather than love (root bqš; cf. 17:9). The “merciless official” (or “cruel messenger”) reminds the reader of the king’s wrath, a “messenger of death” (16:14). While a wise person will appease that wrath, here the evil person only provokes it. One can seek reconciliation or one can seek rebellion; the choice is clear.
Dangers of Fools and Folly 17:12–15
THE DANGERS OF fools and evil persons juxtaposed throughout this cluster suggests that the two are not as removed from each other as we might think.
17:12. Although Yahweh’s wrath is often linked with bears (2 Kings 2:23–24; Hos. 13:8), it is the greater danger of human folly that is in view here (cf. Prov. 28:15). While not in the form of a “better than” saying, this proverb does compare two encounters to point out a surprising lesser evil; literally, this verse reads: “Let one meet a bear robbed of cubs and not [or rather than] a fool with folly.”11 The salt of the proverb compares the danger of a bear without her cubs to fools whose folly goes with them wherever they go. Still there is more than meets the eye, for readers may ask, how did the bear lose her cubs? If any would be foolish enough to take them, they would be dangerous persons to be around, especially when the bear comes charging!
17:13. Another proverb about the returning effects of evil (cf. 17:11), this ancient version of “what goes around, comes around” might be paraphrased, “evil for good, evil forever.” Here the focus on the house suggests that an individual’s choices have consequences for family, although the principle can also apply to one’s community. The juxtaposition with a vivid proverb about dangerous folly (17:12) implies that evil in its shortsightedness is just plain dumb.
17:14. Just as water cannot be brought back under control once it is released, so a quarrel has a life of its own that can escalate beyond anyone’s expectation. The solution is to leave things as they are, to let a matter go (cf. 17:9). If the image is that of a sluice gate for irrigation (11:25; cf. Isa. 58:11),12 the life-giving effects of getting one’s responses under control is underscored.
17:15. The common theme of Yahweh’s hatred of evil is here applied to legal resolutions of disputes (cf. 17:14). Judges are responsible to convict the guilty and clear the innocent; both false judgments are equally detestable (an abomination) in Yahweh’s eyes. One can surmise in the background the gain that such corrupt judges receive. The Hebrew roots for “righteous” and “wicked” (cf. Deut. 25:1) link this saying with the righteous/wicked contrasts of chapters 10–15.
Fools and Money, Brothers and Friends (17:16–20)
MONEY CANNOT BUY wisdom, but it can be used wisely. In the hands of a fool, money is useless (17:16) and can be easily lost (17:18). It is better to be rich in love and faithfulness (17:20).
17:16. The point of this satiric proverb is two-sided: It is folly to think one can buy wisdom since it is a gift of God and must be acquired through study (2:1–6), and even if wisdom could be bought, the fool lacks the sense (lit., “heart”) to know what to do with it. The sharp juxtaposition of having money and lacking sense makes it clear that heart, both as “desire” and “mind” (NRSV), is the prerequisite for learning wisdom. Some see a dunce showing up at the door of a teacher with fee in hand, but evidence for this in Israel is lacking. Rather, we see a fool who does not know what to do with good things like money, responsibility, or even a proverb (26:6–9)!
17:17. In Hebrew, “one who loves at all times” comes first and is followed by the descriptor, a “friend” (or “neighbor”). The comparison of “all times” in the first line and the times of “distress” in the second suggests that friends can, by choice, do what is expected of family. Here concerns of household and community are drawn together (cf. 17:13). The saying implicitly rebukes those who claim friendship but are nowhere to be found when they are needed.
17:18. This saying presents a counterpoint to the two that have gone before. Here another person who “lacks heart” (NIV “judgment”) concerning financial matters uses his “hand” to prove it (cf. 17:16). The proverb in between praises the “friend” (reaʿ, 17:17) who is there in tough times, even if it involves money, but such help to a “neighbor” (reaʿ in this verse) is foolhardy when it endangers one’s estate. If verse 17 recommends generosity in neighbor love, verse 18 warns that the borrower may become lax and default, leaving the one who offers help needing help instead.13 While no proverb approves of the practice of surety, when taken together, this proverb pair advises readers to avoid trouble, not a neighbor in need.14
17:19. At first reading, this proverb seems to say that quarreling is a sin, and so we should turn from quarreling. The word order in Hebrew, however, reads: “The one who loves an offense [NIV “sin”] loves a quarrel” (cf. 17:9, which uses the same Heb. words for “offense” and “seeks”).15 If loving or holding onto an offense leads one to build a “high gate” (presumably to keep away neighbors), one trusts in a false hope. Better to have good relationships with neighbors than the best security system. If you don’t have goodwill with your neighbors, nothing else you do will help (cf. 17:18; 13:10). The contrast between loving neighbors (17:17) and loving strife (17:19) is strong. If the “high gate” also refers to architecture that is elevated to impress, the symbolism of “high” sets the builder above neighbors, a dangerous attitude.
17:20. This proverb is one of the many sayings that link “heart” and “tongue” to represent the whole person’s thoughts and actions. It stresses results; this person not only fails to “prosper” (“find good” [ṭob]; cf. 16:20) but falls into “trouble” (raʿah; 17:4, 11, 13). The deceitful tongue (lit.) “turns over” or, as one translator put it, is “double-tongued.”16
Suffering Fools in Secret (17:21–24)
SATIRES ABOUT THE fool appear at 17:21, 24, and 28; the sayings in this section examine the effects of folly in the secret places of life, comparing grief and gladness.
17:21. If verse 20 depicts the effects of folly on the person who practices it, this proverb reminds us that the effects spread throughout the family (17:2; cf. 10:5) and to others as well. The proverbs that precede this one stress responsibility, but it is doubtful that the father of a fool is to be held responsible for the son’s wayward folly. However, it is clear that the effects are devastating, even drying the bones (as the next proverb shows).
17:22. The “cheerful heart” is one that rejoices (root śmḥ), linking this saying with the one before; the grief of the fool’s family is countered here with the positive effects of joy. Unlike the “perverse heart” of 17:20, this heart makes for “good” (ṭob). Can we say that the rejoicing heart knows contentment and gratitude while the perverse heart schemes to gain more no matter how? In Proverbs, the “crushed spirit” is brought on by heartache (15:13) and is hard to bear (18:14).
17:23. The theme of making right judgments appeared in 17:15, but the term “justice” (mišpaṭ) was last seen in chapter 16, where it refers to the king’s judgment, the just balance, and Yahweh’s decision (16:10–11, 33). “In secret” translates “from the bosom or pocket,” most likely a reference to a “bribe” (cf. 17:8) that is brought out from a secret place (cf. 21:14). Like the hidden heart that reveals its conditions in word, deed, and even the condition of the body, so a bribe given in secret does its damaging work; a perverse heart (17:20) works to pervert justice.
17:24. This saying contrasts the person who keeps wisdom nearby and the fool who looks everywhere else for answers. The ambiguity of the phrase “eyes of the fool, to the ends of the earth” has puzzled commentators, who have suggested that the fool suffers from a short attention span, or is prone to ambition and greed. Most likely we are to remember that Wisdom called out to all in the public square, yet was only heard by a few (1:20–33; 9:1–12). The satire should be read in light of the other satires, particularly the fool who hopes to buy wisdom in 17:16. The “discerning” person (mebin) appears also in the satire of 17:10.
Fools Thought Wise When Silent (17:25–28)
FOOLS BRING THEIR families grief, and injustice pains a community; therefore, the virtue of restraint in word and deed is a first step toward wisdom. The concentration of wisdom terms in verses 27–28 leads to the surprise of a fool who is considered wise and discerning.
17:25. The second of the sayings about “bearing” (root yld, 17:21) a foolish son, this variation on the theme adds the “bitterness” of the mother to the father’s “grief” (cf. 10:1; 19:13; 29:15). A Sumerian proverb expresses a similar regret: “A disorderly son, his mother should not have given birth to him. His god should not have created him.”17
17:26. Even worse than condemning those who have done no wrong (“the righteous”; cf. 17:15; Deut. 25:1–3) is flogging “officials” (nadib) for doing what is right; the term for “integrity” is used for walking straight. Just as “lying lips” are not fitting for a “ruler” (nadib, Prov. 17:7), the punishment of a righteous ruler is inappropriate. The proverb recommends fair judgment for all members of society.
17:27. This saying presents two signs of a person who has gathered “knowledge”—that one moderates both words and temper. These conjure up the image of a person who knows when it is best to hold back words and control one’s response to anger. “Restraint” is to consider or give thought to one’s words. The even-tempered person is “cool of spirit” (NRSV).
17:28. The recommendations of verse 27 on holding back words continues; to “hold his tongue” is (lit.) “shut his lips.” Of course, appearances can deceive, but the observation confirms the wisdom of practicing self-discipline. Reserve and restraint are so powerfully communicative that even fools can appear wise. That fools cannot remain silent for long comes out in 15:2 and 18:2. The repetition of “wise” and “discerning” seems to reverse the contrast of 17:24.
Bridging Contexts
AS WE HAVE noted before, the collection of synonymous proverbs in chapters 16–22 present a somewhat more complicated picture of the business of living together, asking readers to use what they have learned through their study of the instructions and contrasting proverbs to decide what is best in a given situation. Thus, the first and last proverbs of this chapter present some of the ironies and contradictions of life as it unfolds before us. Just as a rich table may not be desirable when there is strife, so a fool can appear wise by practicing the first principle of wisdom, self-control. The varied proverbs present scenes of family strife, communities of love and justice, reflections on having much and having little, and the practice of restraint as a first step toward wisdom.
Conflict and strife. The theme of conflict and strife appears in 17:1 (and perhaps 17:2 18). Surely the tension between parents and foolish offspring results in some yelling and screaming (17:21, 25). Some people, it seems, actually love a quarrel and, believing that fences make good neighbors, keep themselves as distant from others as possible (17:19). There is another picture, however, for in 17:6 family members realize they are each other’s greatest inheritance, and 17:17 takes the ideal of family support and harmony and applies it to neighbors and friends of the larger community. Other proverbs show that many will seek love instead of destruction and cover over an offense instead of spreading it around like a talebearer (17:9, 14).
My own memories of living next to a retiree bring this positive picture home. A wooden fence separated our urban postage-stamp backyards, more for a sense of privacy than anything else. In summer, we could hear what went on in each other’s backyards and houses, even what was on TV! Like it or not, we lived together, and so we both worked at offering help whenever we could and heading off potential conflicts before they grew into something bigger. Nothing happened on our block that this fellow did not see, and because we were on good terms, he was always looking out for our welfare, even keeping our front lawn watered and green. His old-fashioned approach to being a neighbor taught me a great deal.
Perhaps it is within families that conflict hits the hardest. At first readers may be surprised at the picture of a house filled with both feasting and strife, but news stories of domestic violence and family conflict over large inheritances remind us that having much often creates the desire to have more. The proverbs of wealth and poverty (17:1, 5, 17, 18) only imply what James stated directly in James 4:1–3:
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
James wrote to a Christian community in deep conflict, and the sages of the proverbs knew what can happen as well. Yet again, their collection includes the reverse picture of the friend who loves at all times, based on the ideal of family who stand by in time of trouble (17:17). Therefore the family and neighbor proverbs do present a model of what a larger community may become when the well-being of all is held higher than gains for self. In the fall of 2001, the American people were awed by the commitment and sacrifice of so many as the World Trade Towers fell before their eyes. But they were equally dismayed to learn that during that same time, the executives of a major corporation lied to its investors and employees, claiming that stocks were growing as those executives sold off their declining shares.
Love and justice. For this reason, implicit throughout this chapter is an emphasis on the twin virtues of love and justice. Just as the Creator is insulted when the poor he made are mocked (17:5), so he is disgusted when legal verdicts are perverted, sometimes with a bribe (17:8, 15, 23), always for some sort of personal gain. Ever vigilant, this is Yahweh who tests hearts to see if their intentions are pure (17:3), looking for love that rejoices in righteousness, not poverty (17:5, 22). This is the God of justice, who looks to see that righteousness is not rewarded with evil (17:13, 15, 26) and that evil is not rewarded with good (17:20). Thus, we can test and examine our own hearts. If it is love that looks out for a neighbor in time of need, it is justice that makes sure that no one falls into need because of greed. The malicious and double tongue deceives for its own gain, but truthful lips and upright rulers give the reader a sense of hope (17:7, 26).
There are only two Yahweh sayings in chapter 17 (three if we count v. 5, which calls God “Maker”), yet their common theme of testing sets a tone for the chapter. Just as Yahweh tests all hearts, so also some are charged with testing members of the larger community. If strife comes before the judge, that judge had better not pervert justice or take bribes. To call the wicked righteous or the righteous wicked is an abomination to the Lord, who judges the judges. Here again in this chapter, Yahweh watches human affairs to see whether hearts and words live up to the standards of love and justice.
In our own day, we may ask whether the economic scenarios of these proverbs can speak to the varieties of conflicts we experience. We know that family conflicts are not always about money and that conflicts in the church often appear to be about secondary matters (e.g., the color of curtains or the kind of music used in worship). Still, the challenge for contemporary readers is to discern how such conflicts can be traced to failures of love and justice. We bristle or blush when we realize a conflict is really about winning, having what we want without care for what the other wants or needs. While it is certainly not wrong to go after what we want, we learn here that we can rarely act on our desires free from consideration of others. Some sense of balance and fairness is necessary, making the discernment of wisdom teaching all the more crucial.
The wisdom of restraint. As we exercise love and justice, we are really practicing a form of self-restraint; that is, we hold back on some of our desires when we realize that taking for ourselves also means taking from another. Likewise, we hold back on all that we might say when we discern that such restraint is for the good of our relationships with others. We know that we cannot just let anger fly whenever things don’t suit us if we want to have friends, just as we know it is not fair always to let others have their way at our expense (17:27–28). If it is wrong to engage in excesses of taking or speaking, the wisdom of restraint knows when to do both, again using the standards of love and justice to decide.
The proverbs of this chapter seem to relate the two, particularly around the matters of speech. Liars like to hear the kind of malice they spread, just as words can harm by mocking the poor and crowing over the troubles of others (17:4–5, 20). Some may tell lies and boast, but we can hold back from saying bad things about others, even if there is cause (17:7, 9). We must remember that words, like waters, cannot be gathered once they are spilled; such restraint and discretion keeps quarrels from breaking loose and causing destruction (17:14, 19). Yes, sometimes less is more (cf. 17:1)!
Perhaps this is the basic principle that fools fail to see, for the satirical proverbs shine their light on the fools’ desire for possessions that are inappropriate. In other words, fools run after certain possessions but lack the important ones. The fool may have (or pretend to have) a gift of gab (17:7) but lack common sense, or scruples, or both. The fool may have money (17:6) but doesn’t know that it cannot buy wisdom. The fool looks for wisdom everywhere but where it might be found (17:24; cf. James 1:5–8). The only thing the fool really owns is folly (Prov. 17:12) and the grief it brings to parents (17:21, 25). Three of the fool satires show a person hoping to buy wisdom (17:10), not knowing where to look for it (17:24), and finally practicing wisdom in some small measure (17:28). Is this a sign of small gain or redemption for the fool?
If so, then the fool illustrates the difference between living in ignorant isolation and the joys and responsibilities of living in healthy relationships with family and neighbors. The fool’s silence can be an example to the wise who really would take their connections to others seriously. To sum up, the proverbs ask us to think of ourselves as if we were intimately related, not independent. This principle is stated baldly in the next chapter: “An unfriendly man pursues selfish ends; he defies all sound judgment” (18:1). But in addition, these proverbs also present repeated examples of virtuous lives of justice, love, and self-control that enable persons to live together, for how else can the virtues be enjoyed?
The story of Joseph and his family (Gen. 37–50) reminds us that these virtues are learned, not innate. Keeping these proverbs in mind, readers of that story might ask: What would have happened if Joseph had kept his dreams to himself? Was the conflict with his brothers over the inheritance or simply Joseph’s desire to stand above them? Were they concerned over the money or their father’s favoritism? We cannot say for sure, but we do know that Joseph’s folly was matched by his brothers, bringing grief to their father.
But we also see that Joseph grew in wisdom, learning to speak wisely to jailers and kings. After testing the hearts of his brothers, he found that Judah had learned to care about his father’s welfare, offering himself as a slave so as not to cause his father any more pain. In response, Joseph decided to cover up the offense against him and let it go. “And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you” (Gen. 45:5). This beautiful story of the forgiving grace of God also speaks to what works in our communities, a generosity of spirit that refuses to put the good of one before the good of all.
Contemporary Significance
CONFLICT, CONFRONTATION, and resolution. Perhaps we should begin our discussion of contemporary life by facing facts. The evangelical church is just as prone to bitter conflict as the rest of the world, perhaps even more so. I recently heard one estimate that 30 percent of our churches need serious help. No wonder Jesus prayed for the unity of the church—he knew what was coming! We need not lament or paint overly bleak pictures of the situation, however, for I doubt that things are much different today from any other time in history. Conflict and its roots in inordinate desire have always been with us.
What is unique in today’s situation is the tendency for people to leave churches when things get too hot, for we all know of people who hop from church to church carrying stories about how awful the previous one was. We can bemoan a lack of commitment, but more likely the issue at stake is the way conflict is managed. If, as we often quote, “everyone wants to rule the world,” then issues of justice and fairness will always arise. Thus, the question is, will they be handled wisely or foolishly, with cries for a pound of flesh or with generosity?
A number of the proverbs gathered in this chapter recommend the curious blend of generosity and forgiveness (17:9, 14) with a reticence in words that at times seems downright stingy (17:27–28). While commitment to a community, warts and all, is a first step,19 it is the practice of honest confrontation and forgiveness that helps imperfect groups of imperfect people hang together. Better the riches of kindness than those of feasting.
Better, that is, if we have to choose. The film version of Babette’s Feast presents scene after scene of glorious fine food to make the point that love and generosity can sit at a wonderful table too. Fleeing the violence of nineteenth-century France, Babette has come to work for the elderly daughters of a local minister. These pious sisters make porridge out of stale bread crusts to feed the poor and are unstinting in their devotion to them. Unfortunately, the flock their father founded in their small village has been increasingly divided, dredging up sins of the past and throwing them in each other’s faces.
Babette has made her home with these people, and her only connection with her homeland is the purchase of an annual lottery ticket. One day she wins a fortune in the lottery and asks to prepare a dinner in celebration of the late minister’s one-hundredth birthday, but the sisters and the village are worried that their father will not approve of the lavish menu she plans, especially the wine! As the delicious meal progresses, however, hearts warm and loving words are exchanged. Only later do the sisters learn that Babette had once been a great chef in Paris and that she has spent all her winnings on the meal. Babette has caught the truth of the proverb that the sisters and their friends have missed, namely, that it is generosity of spirit that makes the table joyful, not the quality of the fare (17:1).
So our hearts are tested (17:3), for it is there, where our deepest intentions and desires lie, that who we really are becomes known. If our hearts are instructed in wisdom’s ways, we know how to be generous when needed and also when to hold back. Both can be practiced in the context of faithfulness to parents and siblings, neighbors and friends. Such faithfulness can be shown in good times and bad, as various proverbs show. In good times, we can speak and act in ways that cover offenses and do not provoke them. If the goal is a “quiet house,” then the place to begin is with ear and tongue, neither listening to malicious talk (17:4) nor producing it (17:5).
The context of the gathered proverbs makes one wonder whether both these proverbs are references to the way we talk about the poor (“Can you believe the way they live?”) or anyone with problems (“Did you hear about poor so and so’s ____ [affair, divorce, business failure, problems with kids, etc.]”?). Likewise, if we find ourselves secretly rejoicing in the news of someone’s misfortune, we know we have some inner work to do. Somehow, that response suggests that we feel cheated in some way, perhaps because some expectations of life have gone unfulfilled. As we become aware of these inner reactions, we can also practice the inner generosity of wishing another well while refraining from any comment at all.
Speech that is loving and just practices restraint in various forms. The worst offense is lying (17:7) and bribing to buy the words of another (17:8), but lesser errors include repeating offenses (17:9). Instead, we can practice honest and loving confrontation (17:10), just as Jesus taught (see Matt. 18:15–20 on confrontation; Matt. 5:23–26 on making amends).
I said loving and honest confrontation because it is so easy to turn a confrontation into a quarrel. One editorial I read pointed out the temptations to “flame” that come with e-mail, for it has never been so easy to write harsh and angry words and then press “Send.” Traditional wisdom has always advised that we write our letters and then read them another time before sending them off. The song “Letter That I Wrote” speaks of the letters written that were never intended to be sent, only written to get the burden out on the table, to blow off steam, or to achieve clarity. Singing as a wronged lover, the lyrics recall the singer’s struggle to find the right words to express herself,” Though the words were not for you to hear.” Then, after sitting down to write the letter, the singer “fell sleeping as the sun sank in the west.”20
Thus, it may be that wisdom’s blend of generosity and restraint will teach us how to be a friend at all times—one born for adversity, certainly helping those in need but also weathering disappointments in relationship. We may need more help with the latter because so many in our day feel wounded and let down in our churches, sometimes because expectations are too great, sometimes because love and justice have failed. Wisdom, living in these proverbs, teaches us what is best, most valuable, and deeply satisfying, helping us learn when it is right to make gifts and loans and when to cancel debts of all kinds. Most of all, we need help in learning to give generously of understanding, kindness, and forgiveness and when to hold back words that tear us apart.