Original Meaning
WHILE A NUMBER of the proverbs of this chapter deal with the behavior and attitudes of the rich and poor, most of the sayings focus on use of words. A number of fool satires focus on speech habits that bring negative response. Although some proverbs treat matters of wealth and power, it is office of judge rather than king that is in view. Readers are asked to become more and more discerning as they interpret these proverbs and discover how their apparent disorganization points to a greater and richer unity. The themes that emerge with close study both echo the insights of previous chapters and provoke new thoughts and deeper insights.
The outline proposed here is based on similarities of topic and theme, recognizing that not every saying fits into the cluster.1
Sayings on speech and fools (18:1–8)
Sayings on strength, safety, and pride (18:9–12)
Sayings on speech and disputes (18:13–19)
Sayings on speech and its rewards (18:20–24)
Sayings on Speech and Fools (18:1–8)
THE MAJORITY OF these proverbs are about speech and its effects; all are concerned with the attitudes and actions that destroy relationships and community.
18:1. The “unfriendly” one is (lit.) a “separated” person who simply “seeks desire.”2 In other words, individualists like this one isolate themselves from other people with no thought for their concerns and needs. “Defies” translates the same word as “breaks out” in 17:14; the only other occurrence of this word in the Old Testament carries the basic sense of “quarrel” (20:3). After all that has been said in chapter 17 about family and community, the picture of isolation and quarreling here continues the theme of behaviors that bring strife.
18:2. Even as the unfriendly or “isolated” person of verse 1 “defies” (root glʿ ) sound judgment, so this fool only “delights in airing his own opinions” or (lit.) “revealing [root glh] what is in his heart [leb].” The point of comparison is the self-centered and lonely universe each inhabits; the first quarrels with wisdom, the second refuses to hear it (cf. 18:15). Such people never engage in conversation, only monologue. Interested only in showing what he knows, the person in this verse accomplishes just the opposite. Ironically, he does “reveal his heart,” for speech always reveals character (cf. 12:16, 23; 13:16).
18:3. As independent and isolated as the characters of verses 1 and 2 might hope to be, they are not free from the reaction of the community. “Contempt” goes with the wicked everywhere they go, as the repetition of “comes” in Hebrew suggests. Likewise, shameful actions come with the corresponding “disgrace” (cf. 3:35).
18:4. The first line states that any person’s words are “deep waters,” leaving the reader to wonder how to situate the saying. Are deep waters good or bad? The second line makes a contrast3; the fountain or spring of wisdom is a bubbling brook, waters that run neither still nor deep. While we say that “deep thoughts” are profound, in much of Scripture deep things are hidden4 and surfaces deceive. Therefore, words, like deep waters, can mislead. The context of chapter 18 demonstrates the negative characteristics of a fool’s speech (18:2, 6–7), and morsels of gossip go down to the inmost parts (18:8). The contrast with a flowing “fountain of wisdom” reminds readers of the fountain of life (10:11; 13:14; 14:27; 16:22).
18:5. Perhaps this saying is linked to the idea of deceptive words in verse 4. Here, a judge can show partiality to the wicked by (lit.) “lifting the face,” an idiom for the verdict of “not guilty,” pronounced as the accused gets up from bowing before the judge. Likewise, the judge can turn away or pervert justice for the righteous (17:23; cf. Isa. 10:2; Lam. 3:5). This proverb echoes the statement that one should not clear the guilty and condemn the innocent (Prov. 17:15), and “not good” echoes the statement on justice in 17:26 (also 16:29; 19:2; 20:23; 24:23; 25:27; 28:21).
18:6. The next two proverbs are paired on the speech of the fool (cf. 18:4). Unlike the false judgments depicted in verse 5, the fool receives a just and painful sentence. A companion piece to verse 2, here the results of the fool’s babbling comes to light; it brings strife (cf. 17:1), and that discord can also come to blows. It is not certain whether the blows are the result of a fight or the punishment that is sometimes mentioned in wisdom literatures of the ancient Near East, perhaps from a court sentence (cf. 19:29).
18:7. It is one thing to get into a fight or wind up in court, another to face complete ruin. This saying intensifies the picture of 18:6 in the form of a chiastic structure. The lips not only bring strife (v. 6a), they are a snare on one’s soul (or life, v. 7b). The mouth not only calls out for blows (v. 6b), it brings complete undoing (v. 7a; cf. 10:14; 13:3). If 18:6 notes the reaction of others (cf. 18:3), this verse makes it clear that the fool has no one to blame but himself.
18:8. This saying about listening goes with 17:4. There is also much in common with 18:4, particularly the “words” in the saying and the motion of “going down” deep (cf. 26:20 on “gossip”; 20:27, 30 on “inmost parts/being”). The word for “choice morsels,” (mitlahamim) appears in Proverbs only here and in the identical saying of 26:22; it is used in other Old Testament contexts for grumbling or murmuring (Deut. 1:27; Ps. 106:25; Isa. 29:24). McKane’s paraphrase compares the words with “tidbits” that are “swallowed up and remembered.” He argues that the “belly” is a reservoir of words and the seat of memory.5 Are we to conclude that these tidbits of gossip go down deep to where human intentions lie? If so, they may be stored for evil purposes.
Sayings on Strength, Safety, and Pride (18:9–12)
THIS SMALL CLUSTER gathers around the themes strength and safety, symbolized by the high fortress and the assaults that come against it—negligence, trust in riches, and pride.
18:9. Previous sayings have spoken of the disastrous effects of laziness for both the sluggard (6:9–11) and those who employ one (10:26). “One who is slack” lets drop what is in the hands, but the destruction that results from such negligence is no accident. “Oops!” will not cut it. For a similar excuse and the phrase “partner to him who destroys,” see 28:24. Both sayings point to the persistent capacity humans have for self-deception.
18:10. Verses 10–11 are linked by the images of fortress-like security—one real, one false. Someone in danger, even the slacker of 18:9, would want a place safe from destruction. Although the righteous are threatened with miscarriage of justice (18:5) and other ill effects of wickedness and folly, Yahweh is the strong tower, high and inaccessible to enemies (cf. 28:25b; 29:25b). The phrase “name of the LORD” occurs only here in Proverbs, but frequently in the Psalms it is a sign of refuge (Ps. 20:7; 61:7–8; 124:8; 142:7). Here, the righteous are (lit.) “set on high” (niśgab).
18:11. Linked with the saying before by the word “high” (niśgab; here, “unscalable”), the contrast between trust in wealth and faith in the name of Yahweh stands out clearly. The difference, of course, is that wealth is only a strong city and high wall as “they imagine it,” adding a new twist to the imagery of 10:15a. Readers are reminded of the “high gate” of 17:19.
18:12. This proverb comes as a capstone to the previous sayings about high and safe places (18:10–11), for here we learn that hearts can be “proud” (lit., “lifted high”). Yet this rise is only a precursor to a “downfall,” a breaking or destruction (cf. 18:9). The second line provides the happy reversal, in that “humility” or lowliness comes before “honor.”6 It seems that either attitude leads inexorably to its opposite (cf. 11:2). We know that life does not always work out that way to our eyes, but it happens often enough for it to become a story that needs a proverb to name it. The first line echoes 16:18a and the second echoes 15:33b.
Sayings on Speech and Disputes (18:13–19)
THE SAYINGS OF this cluster gather around the two themes of speaking and resolving conflicts in a legal setting. Also scattered throughout are images of strength and weakness, continuing the sequence that began in 18:10.
18:13. There is a distinct difference between lowliness (18:12) and shame. One is self-imposed, the other is determined by others. If pride goes before downfall, then speaking without listening goes before an exposure of folly and shame. As in 18:2, fools choose not to hear, only to be heard. Put another way, they only like to hear themselves talk. One way to exhibit humility is to listen carefully.7
18:14. “Spirit” (ruaḥ) is the first word in each line. The contrast between a spirit that holds up and one that weighs down suggests that the typical role of the spirit, working as a supportive friend in sickness (and other difficulties?), is reversed when that spirit itself is crushed down. It cannot hold one up; instead, it becomes a crushing weight itself. When the body is weak, the spirit offers strength; but what if the spirit itself is weak (cf. Matt. 26:41)?8 The connection between spirit and body links the proverbs that mention the crushed spirit (15:13; 17:22).
18:15. Each line ends with the word “knowledge” (daʿat), setting in parallel the ear of the wise that seeks knowledge and the heart of the discerning that acquires it. We have seen the connection between heart and tongue, the heart being the wellspring of what a person says, but here the heart is a recipient of what the ear seeks out. There may be some implication that the ear of the wise not only searches for knowledge but it does so by sorting out knowledge from folly. We are aware of selective listening that can tune out noise or other conversations at a party. Here the ear seeks knowledge so that it can be received and internalized to good effect. What a contrast to the intake of gossip in 18:8!
18:16. A descriptive proverb that leaves its opinion unstated, this verse simply states that a gift opens, or “makes wide,” the way for someone, specifying the goal—to come into the presence of “the great,” someone of higher status who perhaps can bestow a favor. If the ear of 18:15 seeks to acquire knowledge, the gift only seeks to buy access to power (cf. 19:6). We may distinguish the influence of a gift from the contract of a bribe (15:27; 17:8, 23), although the two seem synonymous in 21:14.
18:17. Another descriptive proverb, this one comes with a sharp observation and implicit recommendation. As there are always two sides to every story, it is better to wait until both are heard before passing judgment (Deut. 1:6–18). Unlike the previous saying, this observation on social life depicts a situation of conflict, not goodwill. The social setting is some legal dispute, signified by the word rib for “his case” and the technical use of “right” (lit., “righteous,” ṣaddiq).
18:18. The lot in this context is used for guidance in settling a dispute, which links this saying with verse 17. Read in this context, this proverb suggests sometimes it is impossible to determine who is in the right. It is also possible, however, that this saying simply says that there are times when the lot is the most objective means of settling a conflict. Read in the larger context of Proverbs, one is also reminded that Yahweh’s decisions are compared with the lot, and perhaps there is some sense that the lot gives the decision over to God (16:33). The words “dispute” is repeated in the next verse, as is the idea of “strong.”
18:19. Disputes occur between neighbors (18:17), but also between brothers. This saying observes that such conflicts are especially strong and intractable. It may be because the sense of betrayal is so great; one expects the brother to stand with, not against, so sibling conflict is the worst example of good relations perverted. This saying repeats the phrase “fortified city” from 18:11; is there an implication that good relationships are to be chosen over the appearance of security in wealth? The second line adds that disputes in general are also impregnable. These disputes are sometimes caused by one who plots evil (6:14; 26:21) or by a contentious spouse (19:13; 21:9, 19; 25:24; 27:15).
Sayings on Speech and Its Rewards (18:20–24)
THE SAYINGS OF this group touch the ways we talk with one another and their effects. The theme is also implied in the proverbs about loving relationships with wives and friends like brothers (18:22, 24).
18:20. Back to the topic of speech, this saying might be paraphrased, “we’d better be able to stomach what we say.” Fruit and harvest present the imagery of eating, and the use of the word beṭen for stomach links this saying to 18:8, another proverb about “eating words.” This proverb does not specify whether one will be filled with bad or good, but other sayings in the book confirm our hunch. The quality of the fruit that goes in the mouth depends on what comes out (1:31; 12:14; 13:2)—or, as we say, people will “eat their own words.”
18:21. This saying ends with the word “fruit” (peri), just as verse 20 begins with it. From what has been said in this chapter, the tongue clearly has power over life and death, depending on how it is used. It is harder, however, to understand what it means to love the tongue. Most likely, the one who loves the tongue understands its power and uses it for good, and so the fruit mentioned in both verses is probably good fruit. What was left ambiguous in verse 20 is specified here.9
18:22. At first, this proverb seems to be a truism that is out of place in the chapter, but the strangeness invites a closer look. Chapter 18 has a number of sayings and single lines that are repeated throughout the book, but this is the only verse that repeats nearly verbatim a verse from chapters 1–9. Wisdom says of herself in 8:35 (common words are italicized): “For whoever finds me finds life and receives favor from the LORD.” These are the only two verses in the Hebrew Bible that use the word “find” (mṣʾ ) two times in one verse.10 Why should the finding of a wife, good as it is for a man, be linked with receiving God’s favor? The connection with Wisdom’s words about herself in 8:35 reminds us that wisdom is a gracious gift of God, a sign of blessing and favor, yet available to all who ask for it (Prov. 2). As Wisdom calls out and offers herself, so does Yahweh; yet humans must seek her and Yahweh diligently.11
18:23. Readers can take each line of this proverb separately and find a description of life. More often than not, the poor must plead with someone who holds power over them, while the rich can answer harshly to those of lower status. Read together, the hierarchy in any such conversation between rich and poor shows itself (cf. 22:7). Is this another false use of the power of wealth as in 18:11, an example of pride as in 18:12? It is difficult to discern the economic status of the speaker of the proverb, but one can detect a note of censure against the rich. One might expect the rich man to answer kindly or gently or in some other gracious manner.12
18:24. In contrast to the previous verse, where there is no friendship, this saying compares many “friends” (cf. 14:20)13 to “one who loves” (ʾoheb) and sticks close like a brother. Even as an offended brother can become an unyielding fortress (18:19), so a faithful brother hangs on dearly (17:17). Here is the reverse image of the “unfriendly” person who separates himself in his selfishness (18:1; cf. 17:19). The word “loves” is repeated from 18:21; one who loves the power of the tongue will also love friends and neighbors.
Bridging Contexts
THE CHAPTER BEGINS with a proverb about selfish isolation and ends with one about friendship so close it looks like family. In between these reflections on social life are a myriad of images, some puzzling and some disturbing. Readers today are challenged to spot the thematic threads that tie these images together as well as the primary contrasts. The negative pictures of foolish speech with its strife are answered with the possibility of finding a friend like a brother and a good wife, a symbol of wisdom. Each theme explores the many ways we humans act to draw near to one another in love or separate ourselves into lonely worlds of our own making.
The words of the mouth. The proverbs of chapter 18 make it clear that the isolation, self-centeredness, and poor judgment of verse 1 make themselves known through acts of speaking, as shown in verse 2. Fools have no desire to listen, only to spout their own views. The words of the mouth, like deep waters, can hide and deceive, and words like these are far removed from the life giving words of wisdom (18:4). Words can be partial to the wicked (18:5), bring strife and calamity to the fool (18:6–7), and damage both the reputation of others as well as the lives of those who have an ear for it (18:8).
Readers then find that negative images of speaking and listening give way to more positive pictures. Fools speak first and listen never (18:13, 23), yet the heart and ears of the wise seek out knowledge (18:15), patiently listening to both sides of the story (18:17). Another pair of proverbs wryly observes that one’s mouth eats the “fruit” that the same mouth produces; that is, one bears the consequences for good or bad of what one does with words (18:20–21).
We who pay much attention to what we eat (or at least are told we should) may need to be reminded that the ancients were less concerned with the nutritional value of foods and more concerned with the immediate effects of eating. While they did not have the science and health reports that appear in our daily newspapers and TV broadcasts, they did know when eating left them with a feeling of well-being and when eating made them sick. They knew that some things were better to eat than others and that spring waters were best for drinking. So the symbolism of these proverbs reminds us that we may find gossip tasty, but what we really need are the life-giving waters of wisdom (18:4, 8). They tell us that what we hear and say will go deep into “the inmost parts” (beṭen, 18:8; also “stomach” in 18:20), so we need to take care. If today we are rightly focused on eating well for good health, the sages ask us to keep in mind that the talk we choose to consume also works for our good or ill.
But we also know that our words can either draw us together or pull us apart, so two proverbs remind us that self-absorbed prattling is likely to lead to words of disagreement and then to blows (18:2, 6). Language by its very nature is dialogical, said the Russian writer Bakhtin.14 We are always “answering” (18:13, 23) the speech of others, even if only in our minds, and the dialogue is meant to draw us out of ourselves to include others and their way of looking at things. The root of the word “communication” is to “have in common.” Heart speaks to heart, and if all goes well, there will be a sharing of minds. If we do not acknowledge the social nature of language, a gift of God meant to establish his šalom of harmonious relations,15 then we will separate ourselves in selfishness (18:1) and risk bringing disgrace on ourselves (18:13; cf. v. 3).
Speaking to would-be teachers, James advises that the tongue is like a bit on a horse or a rudder on a ship; if we can control it, we are able to keep the whole body in check, yet no one has achieved complete mastery. It is a power, capable of setting a forest on fire or corrupting a whole person, especially through boasting and cursing others (James 3:1–6, 9–12). Likewise, the sages of Proverbs observe that life and death are in the power of the tongue (Prov. 18:21) and warn of the dangers of pride (18:12). James may have had these proverbs in mind as he wrote: “But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness” (James 3:17–18).
The wisdom of these proverbs encourage us to set aside speech that is isolating, proud, and ultimately destructive in favor of speech that joins people together in humility and concern (18:12, 24). The principle of listening before answering in matters of dispute (18:13, 15, 17) can be extended to include all forms of listening that hopes to draw others near and to lift them up in love. If boasting alienates, careful listening creates strong bonds.
Pride and humility. The problem of pride is stated directly in 18:12, but other examples of pride (lit., the “heart lifted high”) and contrasts between high and low, up and down, run throughout chapter 18 (esp. vv. 9–12). We have seen that one who is slack is one who lets things drop or fall, thus destroying and bringing things down (18:9). The name of Yahweh is a strong tower in which the righteous are “set on high” for safety (18:10; cf. 2 Sam. 22:3; Ps. 46:7, 11; Isa. 33:16), but the rich only imagine that their wealth is a “high” wall (Prov. 18:11; cf. 17:19). The antidote to such pride is the humility or lowliness that comes before being lifted up in honor (18:12).
Contrasts such as these are implicit in other proverbs of this chapter, for the use of language itself often reflects hierarchies in which some end up higher or better than others.16 We see that a gift allows the giver into the presence of someone greater, while the lowly poor have only pleas for mercy to offer the rich (18:16, 23). Centered in it all is the false exaltation of pride, a heart lifted up; therefore, fools are proud when they should be ashamed. Paraphrasing what we have learned from the Gospels, we see the irony that in raising up self, one displays folly, but in taking a low road, one demonstrates wisdom. So Jesus “did not consider equality with God something to be grasped . . . and being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross!” (Phil. 2:6–8).
Lowliness, the willingness to walk the downward way of the cross,17 can also remedy the conflicts and disputes depicted in Proverbs 18:12–19. One need not, like the offended brother (18:19), be unyielding, fortified like the proud of 18:11. Instead, one’s openness to resolve conflict also shows one’s willingness to go one down instead of one up. So also, the lot settles disputes when both sides agree to its outcome (18:18)—that is, if all efforts to listen and discern the right in a matter have failed (18:13, 15, 17).
But what of the crushed spirit?18 Is there perhaps a difference between a chosen spirit of lowliness (18:12) and the spirit that has been beaten down and is therefore unable to fulfill its function of helping a person bear up? In other words, Christlike humility chooses downward mobility for self, not for others, and therefore forces it on no one. If anything, one would side with the one who would not crush the bruised reed or snuff out the dim wick (Isa. 42:3). The chosen spirit of lowliness is rewarded in Proverbs 29:23: “A man’s pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor.” Again, one only receives honor when it is not considered something to be grasped.
The benefits of commitment. The cultivation of wise speaking and lowly attitude lead the reader to the benefits of right relation as typified in the good wife and the friend like a brother. In the last few verses of the chapter, words like “favor,” “mercy,” and “love” (the friend of 18:24 is “one who loves”) begin to sketch a picture of life lived in full awareness of the presence of God and God’s gifts. While some acknowledge that we are on the receiving end of God’s many graces, others pretend not to see.
Two consecutive lines (18:23b–24a) speak of the rich person who speaks harshly and the person with many friends who comes to ruin (perhaps the same person; cf. 19:4). The juxtaposition suggests that some think they need little from others, but it is the one who looks for a life companion and works at being a lifelong friend who finds favor from Yahweh (18:22, 24b). Typically, the gifts wisdom bestows are related to long life, wealth, and honor, but here, Yahweh’s gifts include spouse and the friend who sticks close. While many friends can fill our address books, as we in America know all too well, only a few, maybe even just one, loves in a way that causes us to stop in wonder and gratitude.
Moreover, the one who finds a wife finds what is good (18:22; cf. 12:4; 19:14; 31:10–12; see also 16:20; 17:20; 19:8, where “prospers” means “finds good”) and “receives favor from the LORD” (cf. 2:5; 3:4; 12:2). The verbal links we observed earlier between 18:22 and 8:35 suggest that finding such a wife is also a symbol of finding wisdom (cf. 1:28; 3:13; 8:17; 10:13; 24:14), as in Proverbs 31:10: “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.”
In addition, if the good wife is a sign of finding wisdom, then perhaps the friend, the one who loves and stays closer than a brother, also reminds us of the one whose name is a strong tower (18:10). Certainly the one who loves at all times, even through adversity (17:17), shows how wisdom is lived out in the life of a willing and open person. But perhaps the image points beyond, for Christians through the centuries have seen here a picture of Jesus, our brother in the faith. Status and its hierarchies may drive us apart, as 18:23 shows, but the love and commitment of 18:22 and 24 point to wisdom that unites, itself a symbol of divine love. In sum, the gifts of married love and friendship ultimately point back to the source, to the One who cares for us more than we can ever know.
Contemporary Significance
AS WE ASK ourselves how these teachings of Proverbs on dialogue, lowliness, and commitment carry over into our own day, we remember that the enemies of bad speaking, pride, and isolation, have always been with us. It may even appear that, like mutating bacteria, they continue to take on new forms in order to proliferate and wreak havoc in every age. Thus, we must ask ourselves how these negative and positive images of community life present the principles by which we can intentionally work toward life that is less impersonal and more deeply satisfying, not to mention faithful to God’s intentions. The forms of folly in every age yield to the practices of wisdom.
What to do with talk. For starters, let us burn into our minds the picture that all of our practices of speaking and listening end up in the “inmost parts” or “stomach” (18:8, 20–21), and let us make a conscious effort to reject gossip and other forms of put down. We can further imagine that saying or listening to such talk is like eating junk food19—tasty perhaps, but ultimately empty and even harmful. Do we really want mean-spirited and critical words to churn around inside us? Daily vigilance over what we say and hear are akin to habits of healthy eating. Such habits need not be cultivated with an attitude of superiority (after all, we know how hard diets are to keep), but rather by asking those around us to help with the hard work of taming the tongue and becoming faithful listeners. The other side of this practice is speaking a word of honest confrontation when there is a legitimate concern, choosing loving correction over back-biting.
Recalling that fools only desire to hear themselves talk, we must also cultivate the habits of real dialogue, drawing others out in order to hear their points of view and, when appropriate, engaging in spirited debate. Too often our churches encourage a culture of superficiality that assumes that we must all agree if we are to get along, or at the least extend tolerance to one another (whether or not such efforts are sincere). Here is what M. Scott Peck calls “pseudo-community,” the attempt to join with others without practicing emptiness that is releasing our expectations of each other.20
The value of real honesty can be surprising. Studs Terkel reported the story of C. P. Ellis, a textile worker who grew up learning to blame others for most of his problems, especially his financial struggles. A second-generation member of the Klu Klux Klan, he attended interracial civic meetings and was extremely vocal about his feelings toward other races. As a result, he was asked to work on policy projects with a black woman. The more the two worked together, disagreeing at every turn, the more they began to see clearly into each other’s lives. Each was criticized by their respective communities, and the children of both were harassed at school. Ellis’s mind began to change, and he eventually ran for president of his union to promote equal treatment of workers, reporting that he had listened to tapes of Martin Luther King’s speeches with tears in his eyes.21 We can do more than hold back critical words and reject gossip; we can listen to others and learn what life is like for them. Listening like that can keep us from answering harshly before we have heard (18:13, 23).
Moving down, not up. We can be on the lookout for ways to practice the principle of moving downward instead of climbing upward. The upward mobility of pride is different from recognitions of excellence that come with promotions and awards. One serves the community, the other the concerns of the self, especially when moving up requires stepping on or over others. In other words, the problem of pride is its isolation and lack of concern for others, not the lift that comes with well-deserved success and accomplishment.
Sports coaches know the difference between the player who wants to be a star and those who want to play their best to help the team succeed. The New England Patriots surprised the 2002 Super Bowl audience when they insisted on being introduced as a team instead of as a series of individual players, and they surprised the audience again when they went on to beat the favored St. Louis Rams! No, team spirit does not always guarantee victory, yet the gesture of the group introduction made them winners of another sort before they even took the field. By contrast, those who seek to build a fortress of wealth rebuff the poor with a harsh answer, driving them away (18:10–12, 23). The downward way of wisdom, then, is a way toward others, and we can test our motives and decisions by asking if they lead us closer to others or away. If away, we should be watching out for pride.
After explaining the descending way of the cross from Philippians 2 to his nephew, Henri Nouwen spoke of his home country, the Netherlands:
I have noticed one thing in particular: increasing prosperity has not made people more friendly toward one another. They’re better off, but the new-found wealth has not resulted in a new sense of community. I get the impression that people are more preoccupied with themselves and have less time for one another than when they didn’t possess so much. There’s more competitiveness, more envy, more unrest, and more anxiety. There’s less opportunity to relax, to get together informally, and enjoy the little things in life. Success has isolated a lot of people and made them lonely. It seems sometimes as though meetings between people generally happen on the way to something or someone else. There’s always something else more important, more pressing, of more consequence. . . . And the higher up you get on the ladder of prosperity, the harder it becomes to be together, to sing together, to pray together, and to celebrate life together in a spirit of thanksgiving.22
For that reason, Nouwen decided to give up his career of teaching at schools like Yale and Harvard and went to live at L’Arche, a community in which volunteers live with mentally disabled adults. Nouwen never argued that everyone should do the same, only that they consider the love that moved the Son of God to follow the descending path to poverty and the cross and make decisions about life and career in prayerful communion with him.
Notice that in the view of life that Nouwen describes, the pursuit of individual affluence means that we are all on our own, with no one to trust but ourselves.23 Such is the vicious circle of materialistic pride, self-centeredness, and isolation that leaves each of us clamoring to get all we can to hedge our bets against the future. The downward way of wisdom holds the support of a spouse or friend as more valuable. Is it coincidental that wealth is depicted as a fortress, perhaps inspiring the conflicts between brothers that are stronger than a city (18:18–19)? Just as an attacking lion isolates an animal from the herd for attack, so the circle of pride and self-reliance isolates us so that we might be destroyed (18:12).
These proverbs hold out the strength of relationships as more secure than that of isolating wealth, which is likened to a fall. What do we really want—a pile of wealth or one who loves? A happy side-benefit of this move away from isolated pride and toward others is the increase in trust, without which no one can live.
On friendships. As a result, we can prayerfully take on a firm conviction that friendships truly are more valuable to us than silver and gold, and we can ask for grace to practice the twin virtues of gratitude and commitment. Gratitude is the antidote for the insecure striving after the false props of wealth and status. Thanksgiving orients us to things as they are, dispelling the fantasies of imagined security. Whenever we pray and give thanks at the table, we are not only rejecting that false sense of trust in our own achievements and stockpiles, we express our trust in the one we have asked to “give us this day our daily bread.” In the same way, we can give thanks often for our friends, grateful that God has provided for these needs as well.
Do we live as though we believe the adage that no person is poor who has friends? Can we name those with whom we have been friends for more than a few years and name the tests that such a friendship has survived? Giving thanks for our friends may be especially important when they have hurt us or let us down (or perhaps even when we find them irritating—of course, they would never think the same of us!). This is not to say that we do not confront when it is needed or even end a relationship that is too self-serving to qualify as a friendship, but we first express our commitment to our friends by giving thanks for them and what they have meant to us so far.
We can also give thanks to those friends who give us opportunities to serve and move outside of ourselves. If the false security of wealth isolates and sets its bearer above others, there is also an isolation that comes not from material plenty but from having nothing materially to give. Although media images of retirement hold out travel, sunny climes, and beautiful surroundings as the standard of success, the aging often are lonely in our culture, in part because they are learning to live on less, achieve less, and apparently have nothing to offer unless one would count the life experiences that could teach the young. Their experience of living and even of learning how to die is generally not seen as valuable by younger persons, who do not see the need to think that far ahead.24
As we said earlier, there seems to be a difference between the giving of gifts to earn access to the great (18:16) and the gifts that are given from the lifelong companions of spouse and friends (18:22, 24). The distinction between a friendship based on advantage or pleasure and one based on the mutual desire for growth in character is as old as Aristotle. Yet the two need not be so finely divided; the advantages and pleasures of a friend who is also concerned for our best good, even our growth in godly wisdom, are considerable. Christians of an earlier age viewed friendship as an important discipline for growth in the Christian life: They encourage practice of Christian virtues, build up the church as the body of Christ, and enhance friendship with God.25
Therefore, friendships between the aging and the young can be extremely enriching, as the popularity of the book Tuesdays with Morrie shows. Even as older Christians can be called on to give freely of their experience, wisdom, and perspective, their understanding of what is truly valuable in life, the young can call them to responsibility and ongoing commitment that is more than the appeal for help with church committees and suppers. At a number of times in my life, I have been a member of smaller churches, and there I was struck by the interchange between generations that so often gets squeezed out in age-specific church programming. Hauerwas and Yordy urge, “we must continue to be present to those who have made us what we are, so that we can make future generations what they are called to be.”26
In other words, the generations need each other for conversations in wisdom, and the conversation most likely should not flow only from old to young. The very movement of the book of Proverbs itself shows that after a period of listening and taking in, young learners are encouraged to enter into spirited dialogue with the proverbs, perhaps a model for the dialogue we are to have with one another in the church.
The richest of conversations will often take place in the context of friendships that have developed over years. If the sages placed the proverbs on good marriage and loving friendship in proximity with one another, could it be that some sense of each as lifelong and life-giving is intended? So the monk Aelred spoke of the “iron that sharpens iron” that comes in godly friendship: “Friendship cannot even exist without grace. Therefore, since eternity thrives in friendship, and truth shines forth in it, and grace likewise becomes pleasant through friendship, you be the judge whether you should separate the name of wisdom from these three.”27
In a culture that appears to thrive on pride, isolation, and the insecurity that shows itself in bad speech habits, Christians, safe and secure in the name of Yahweh, the strong tower (18:10), have the confidence and freedom to form committed friendships. In those friendships we learn to step down from our self-imposed pedestals to befriend those who appear to have nothing to give, and in turn are surprised to find that in so doing we become truly rich.