The Actions of One Who Forgives
18
Therefore, though I have enough confidence in Christ to order you to do that which is proper, yet for love’s sake I rather appeal to you—since I am such a person as Paul, the aged, and now also a prisoner of Christ Jesus—I appeal to you for my child, whom I have begotten in my imprisonment, Onesimus, who formerly was useless to you, but now is useful both to you and to me. And I have sent him back to you in person, that is, sending my very heart, whom I wished to keep with me, that in your behalf he might minister to me in my imprisonment for the gospel; but without your consent I did not want to do anything, that your goodness should not be as it were by compulsion, but of your own free will. For perhaps he was for this reason parted from you for a while, that you should have him back forever, no longer as a slave, but more than a slave, a beloved brother, especially to me, but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord. If then you regard me a partner, accept him as you would me. But if he has wronged you in any way, or owes you anything, charge that to my account; (8-18)
Although it is the theme of the letter to Philemon, the word forgiveness does not appear in the book. Neither does the articulation of any doctrinal principles that would provide the theological foundation for forgiveness. Paul does not appeal to law or principle but to love (v. 9). He could do that since he knew Philemon to be a godly, spiritually mature man whose heart was right with God.
Paul surely assumed that Philemon knew the biblical principles that lead Christians to forgive. Unfortunately, I cannot assume that all Christians have that knowledge, so it is important to note eight foundational elements of a biblical doctrine of forgiveness.
First, it is not merely murder that is forbidden by the sixth commandment, “You shall not murder” (Ex. 20:13), but also anger and lack of forgiveness. Jesus gave the deeper meaning of that command in Matthew 5:21-22: “You have heard that the ancients were told, ‘You shall not commit murder’ and ‘Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever shall say to his brother, ‘Raca,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever shall say, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.” When God gave the commandment not to murder, He also forbad hate, malice, anger, vengeance, and lack of forgiveness toward anyone. How are those negative attitudes to be dealt with? One must first remember that those who need forgiveness are created by God. Believers have the life of God indwelling them, while even unbelievers are at least created in His image. We are to love and forgive people for that image of God that is in them. Seeing people as created in God’s image should replace lack of forgiveness with reverence.
Another way to deal with negative attitudes is to remember Jesus’ words in Matthew 22:39: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” We find ourselves eminently worthy of forgiveness, and have a hard time understanding why others would not forgive us. We are quick to forgive and excuse ourselves. It is utter selfishness to fail to extend that same forgiveness to others. Selfishness also causes us to exaggerate the faults of those who offend us. Humble, unselfish people, in contrast, do not see offenses against themselves as significant.
Second, whoever offends us gives greater offense to God. All sin is ultimately against God. When David committed adultery with Bath-sheba, he sinned against her, her husband, his own family, and the nation. Yet in Psalm 51:4 he cried out to God, “Against Thee, Thee only, I have sinned, and done what is evil in Thy sight.” Whatever his offense against men, he gave a greater offense to God. God has forgiven those who wrong us of the greater offense of sinning against Him. Can we not forgive them of the lesser one of offending us? We are not more just, holy, or deserving than God, nor are we a higher court with a higher law.
No one could ever offend us the way we have offended God. Yet He graciously, mercifully forgives us. Believers who fail to forgive others are like the wicked slave of Jesus’ parable in Matthew 18. Although forgiven a huge, unpayable debt by the king, that evil man refused to forgive another slave of a small, insignificant debt. There is no comparison between other people’s offenses against us and our offenses against God.
Third, Christians who fail to forgive others will not enjoy forgiveness from God. Jesus said in Matthew 6:14-15, “If you forgive men for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.” Failing to forgive others hinders our fellowship with God and puts us in danger of His chastening. That is too high a price to pay for wickedly enjoying a lack of forgiveness.
Fourth, believers who manifest an unforgiving spirit will not enjoy the fellowship, communion, and love of other saints. In the parable of Matthew 18, it was the unforgiving slave’s fellow slaves who reported him to his lord (Matt. 18:31). That is a picture of church discipline. An unforgiving attitude will destroy a believer’s relationships with his fellow believers. They will then, through church discipline, ask God to bring chastening into his life. Unforgiveness not only hinders our relationship with God, but also with other Christians.
Fifth, by refusing to forgive others and seeking our own revenge, we usurp the authority of God. Paul urged believers to “bless those who persecute you; bless and curse not. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Rom. 12:14, 19). By failing to forgive, believers presume to take the sword of divine judgment out of God’s hand and wield it themselves. Such an attitude implies that God is unjust, indifferent, or unable to judge, all of which is blasphemous.
God is far more able to deal with offenses against us than we are. He has a complete understanding of the situation, while our understanding is limited. He has the supreme authority; we have none. He is impartial and just; we are partial to our own selfish interests. He is omniscient and eternal, seeing how everything will turn out. We are short-sighted and ignorant, seeing nothing beyond the moment. He is wise and good, and does everything for righteous purposes. We are often blinded by our anger, and our purposes may be evil. We must, then, leave vengeance to God.
Sixth, an unforgiving spirit makes believers unfit for worship. In the Sermon on the Mount, our Lord said, “If therefore you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar, and go your way; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering” (Matt. 5:23-24).
It should be noted that reconciliation, forgiveness, and restoration can and should be initiated by either party. Maybe the one who has something against you has not asked for forgiveness and is enjoying his bitterness. Go and offer forgiveness anyway. Seek reconciliation. Maybe you have offended him and never asked forgiveness. Go and ask.
Unforgiveness makes Christians unfit for fellowship not only with other believers, but also with God. Worshiping God, though living in an unrestored relationship with another believer, is hypocrisy.
Seventh, the injuries and offenses believers suffer are their trials and temptations. Jesus said, “Love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you in order that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven” (Matt. 5:44-45). If we obey that command and forgive those who offend us, their offense becomes a trial. It will produce growth and strength in our lives. If we disobey and refuse to forgive, it becomes a temptation resulting in sin. We should be little concerned about the actions of others against us. We should be greatly concerned that our response makes them a trial and not a temptation.
Eighth, forgiveness should be given even if it is not sought. Our Lord said, “Father, forgive them,” asking forgiveness for those who did not even seek it. Stephen asked the Lord to forgive those who were murdering him, though they had not asked for it. Though the relationship will never be restored until the offending person desires forgiveness, still we are not to hold a grudge, but forgive from the heart and be free from any bitterness—showing only love and mercy.
Therefore links the introduction with the main body of the letter. Because Philemon understood the doctrinal foundation of forgiveness, Paul does not reiterate it. And though Paul had enough confidence in his apostolic authority in Christ to order Philemon to do that which is proper, he did not. Instead, he appealed to him to do what is right for love’s sake.
Paul loved Philemon. In verse 1, he called him agapōtos, “beloved.” In verse 7 he wrote, “I have come to have much joy and comfort in your love.” Such was the bond of love between the two men that Paul did not need to command Philemon. Paul knew that he was motivated by love (cf. w. 4-7). Such love, being the fulfillment of the law (Rom. 13:10), compels one to do that which is proper. Hence it was unnecessary for Paul to use his apostolic authority.
Despite Philemon’s spiritual maturity and deep love for Paul, the apostle knew it would be humanly difficult for him to forgive Onesimus. As Philemon read this letter, Onesimus was no doubt standing there in front of him. As he viewed his runaway slave, who had caused him so much trouble, he may have struggled to control his emotions. To help Philemon overcome any feelings of anger and hostility, Paul includes two statements about himself. He thereby hopes to persuade Philemon to grant his appeal for Onesimus. That appeal comes from such a person as Paul, the aged, and now also a prisoner of Jesus Christ.
Presbutēs (aged) differs in only one letter from presbeutēs (“ambassador”), which was sometimes spelled presbutēs. Because of that, some commentators have argued that presbutēs here should be translated “ambassador” (cf. Eph. 6:20). Such a translation, however, seems out of place in this context. Paul has just declined to use his apostolic authority. It is difficult to see why he would then reverse himself and allude to it.
Though Paul was now about sixty—an old man in that era of shorter life spans—he may not have been much older than Philemon, who had a grown son in the ministry. But aged in relation to Paul meant more than chronological age. Paul was older than his years. In his case the aging process had been accelerated by all that he had suffered (cf. 2 Cor. 11:23-30). The years of imprisonments, beatings, poor food, illnesses, difficult journeys, persecution, and concern for the churches had taken their toll. He had packed five lifetimes into his threescore years. All that was bound up in Paul’s description of himself as the aged. It should cause Philemon to respond in sympathy and love for the valiant old warrior who had led him to Christ.
If that were not enough to elicit Philemon’s sympathy, Paul rattles his chains again. He reminds Philemon that he is a prisoner of Christ Jesus. Philemon could not possibly turn down a request from a man in such honorable suffering.
Beginning in verse 10, Paul moves into the specifics of his request. In verses 10-18 he describes three actions that one who forgives must take. Forgiveness involves reception, restoration, and restitution.
RECEPTION
I appeal to you for my child, whom I have begotten in my imprisonment, Onesimus, who formerly was useless to you, but now is useful both to you and to me. And I have sent him back to you in person, that is, sending my very heart, whom I wished to keep with me, that in your behalf he might minister to me in my imprisonment for the gospel; but without your consent I did not want to do anything, that your goodness should not be as it were by compulsion, but of your own free will. (10-14)
Reception is the first step in the process of forgiveness. It entails opening up one’s life and taking back the person who offended. Philemon needed to receive this slave back into his life, because Onesimus did seek forgiveness, as shown by three things that were true of him.
First, he was repentant. The very fact that Onesimus was standing there as Philemon read the letter proved his repentant attitude. He returned to face the master he had wronged and who had the power to punish him severely. Before he ever verbally repented, Onesimus demonstrated the fruit of genuine repentance (cf. Matt. 3:8). Paul appeals for his child in the faith, begotten in his imprisonment, who now seeks restoration with the one he had wronged. The former fugitive is now Paul’s spiritual offspring, like Timothy, Titus, and Philemon himself. His repentance shows the genuineness of his faith.
Second, Onesimus was transformed. Philemon was not getting back the same man he had lost. He who formerly was useless had been radically changed by the grace of God. He now is useful both to Paul and Philemon. He was ready to serve Philemon “with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord” (Col. 3:22). In verse 11, Paul engages in a play on words. Onesimus was a common slave name meaning “useful.” Paul says, in effect, “Useful formerly was useless, but now is useful.” He was a different man, as Paul had already found out and Philemon would shortly.
Third, Onesimus was proven faithful. So useful had he become to Paul that sending him back to Philemon was like sending Paul’s very heart. As in verse 7, heart translates splanchna, which literally means “bowels,” the location of feelings. Paul’s feelings ran deep for this fugitive Phrygian slave. He had taken him in and found him to be a great man to know and love. Paul knew Philemon would find him the same, if he would take him back.
So helpful had Onesimus become to Paul that the apostle wished to keep him at his side. In Rome, Onesimus could on Philemon’s behalf … minister to Paul in his imprisonment for the gospel. Paul affirms once again the gracious, loving character of Philemon. He knew Philemon would have loved to have been there in person to minister to him. Having his slave Onesimus there would have been the next best thing. Paul assumes that is what Philemon would want, but would not presume on that nor leave the relationship between the two men unresolved for some personal gain of his own. Without Philemon’s consent, Paul did not want to do anything. Paul did not wish to presume on their friendship, and Onesimus and Philemon needed to meet. Further, he did not want Philemon’s goodness to be by compulsion, but of his own free will. Paul did not want to force Philemon to do anything. He wanted him to make the choice to do good by his own will. More than that, Paul wanted Philemon to observe the transformation and value of Onesimus first hand.
RESTORATION
For perhaps he was for this reason parted from you for a while, that you should have him back forever, no longer as a slave, but more than a slave, a beloved brother, especially to me, but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord. (15-16)
Paul asks Philemon not only to welcome Onesimus back, but to restore him to service. While not intending to mitigate the guilt of Onesimus, Paul suggests that God’s providence was at work. He tells Philemon that perhaps he was for this reason parted from you for a while that you should have him back forever, as a believer sharing the same eternal life. He says perhaps because no man can see the secret providence of God at work. But it is surely reasonable to assume that God had this in mind when Onesimus left. Paul suggests to Philemon that God was using this evil to produce good (cf. Gen. 50:20; Rom. 8:28). God triumphs over sin through His providential power and grace. He takes the myriad contingencies of human actions and uses them to accomplish His own purposes. Onesimus’s being parted from Philemon for a while resulted in his having him back forever.
Onesimus left a slave, but returned no longer as a slave, but more than a slave, a beloved brother. Paul does not call here for Onesimus’s emancipation (cf. 1 Cor. 7:20-22). He urges Philemon to receive Onesimus not merely as a slave, but as a beloved brother. He had already become that to Paul. How much more could Philemon now enjoy fellowship with Onesimus both in the flesh, as they worked together, and in the Lord, as they worshiped and ministered together. Paul enjoyed a relationship with Onesimus as a partner in Christ. Philemon enjoyed that relationship as well as one in the flesh, that of master and slave. He was doubly blessed. He received Onesimus’s physical service as a slave, and his spiritual service as a fellow believer in Christ.
RESTITUTION
If then you regard me a partner, accept him as you would me. But if he has wronged you in any way, or owes you anything, charge that to my account; (17-18)
Philemon had been wronged by Onesimus’s flight. Not knowing if Onesimus would return, Philemon may have had to purchase a replacement for him. Further, it seems likely that Onesimus took money or possessions from Philemon to finance his flight. The Bible teaches clearly that restitution needs to be made in such cases (cf. Num. 5:6-8).
Onesimus could not possibly pay back all he owed Philemon. He probably had not found a job in Rome and Colossians implies he spent most of his time serving Paul. Paul deals with the issue of restitution by asking Philemon to accept him as you would me. Philemon undoubtedly regarded Paul as a koinōnon (partner), and Paul urges him to welcome back Onesimus as he would the apostle himself.
Restitution is an essential component of forgiveness, and it would have been right for Philemon to demand it of Onesimus. It is not wrong, however, to be gracious. It would have been a wonderful, loving, gracious act on Philemon’s part to forgive the debt altogether. But once again, Paul desires that Philemon be under no compulsion to do that. Accordingly, he writes, but if he has wronged you in any way, or owes you anything, charge that to my account. By offering to make good Onesimus’s debt, Paul removes any pressure Philemon may have felt.
Paul’s willingness to meet Onesimus’s debt to restore his relationship with Philemon is a marvelous picture of Christ’s work. Philemon, like God, had been wronged. Onesimus, like the sinner, stood in need of reconciliation. Paul offered to pay the price to bring about that reconciliation. That is the same role Jesus plays in the relationship between the sinner and God. Paul, like Christ, was willing to pay the price of reconciliation.
Never are we more like God than when we forgive. Never are we more like Christ than when we pay someone else’s debt so that reconciliation can take place. Paul’s willingness to suffer the temporal consequences of Onesimus’s sin mirrors Christ’s willingness to suffer the eternal consequences of our sin.
Although the Bible does not record what Philemon did, he no doubt freely forgave Onesimus and charged nothing to Paul. In light of Christ’s forgiveness of him, and Paul’s appeal, he could do no less.